Bread John @Breadery Twitter Profile

Bread John

@Breadery

More Cock than a Barrymore pool party. Stand-Up Comedian. Punk

Joined July 2012

36KPosts 20KFollowers 22KFollowing

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Pinned

Bread John

@Breadery

29 Oct 2013

The last time I had sex Donald Trump's toupee was still roaming the tundra.

Bread John Reposted

Ruby Derrière

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19 Dec 2021

I know you guys like being neglected buuut Instagram is the only platform I regularly use so FOLLOW ME 😈😈😈 instagram.com/RubyDerrière Pic Tymwhitney

Bread John Reposted

Little Greenis

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23 Oct 2015

[family feud] Steve Harvey: Top 5 answers on the board, name a place you would plant evidence... Me: *buzzes first* EVIDENCE GARDEN

Bread John Reposted

Little Greenis

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30 May 2017

A strip club for cats, but the customers just come to lay on the dancer's discarded clothing.

Bread John Reposted

Andy H.

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21 May 2017

shortest 1st date I've ever been on was when this girl asked what's my favorite movie & I said Ghostbusters & then she asked what's it about

Bread John

@Breadery

29 May 2017

My knees are really hurty and I haven't had sex in 7 years: A journey into professional parkour.

Bread John Reposted

You know

@Tmoney68

7 Apr 2017

I talk a lot of shit for a guy who cries every time a Humane Society commercial comes on TV.

Bread John Reposted

john's fine thx

@juanadog

14 Apr 2017

A crossfit guy just carried me in & out of Burger King 43 times.

Bread John Reposted

oll

@dulcetry

19 Apr 2017

Only 2000s kids will get this [dies of disease preventable by routine immunization]

Bread John

@Breadery

25 May 2017

I just enjoy the looks on people's faces when they peer into the buggy to see my baby and realise it's a gammon ham with a face drawn on it.

Bread John Reposted

Little Greenis

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21 May 2017

[girlfriend in a coma] *leans in close to whisper* babe, if you can hear me...where the hell did you buy that zesty mayo?

Bread John Reposted

nina treemonkey

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24 Oct 2016

I don't even like sleep, it's just the only way I can eat spiders

Bread John Reposted

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HER: I want to be a bird in my next life. ME: *nodding* I too want to live in a home made of garbage.

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