uncle mom
@mayamanionsubpar mom, shitty waitress, Columbo aficionado https://t.co/V8Yq5kdfIh
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When your coworker is getting married, the whole office is getting married.
My aunt showed up to the wrong funeral. She complained that she didn’t know a single person.
The new girl’s name at work is, Carrigan. She’s named after the lady from Casper, I can’t do this shit anymore.
You CAN always get what you want, usually long after you've lost interest
As soon as the sun begins to darken today, I'm going to bed.
My aunt and uncle were married 38 years, before he passed away. My grandmother murmured, “Told you it wouldn’t last”.
I’m on vacation with my son, it’s day 8. He looked up at me while having lunch and said, “I think we should see other people”.
I like to tell people how I'm really doing so they stop asking.
For Valentine's Day, we're going to Costco. Will it be less busy?
“Hey, remember when you were thin and your parents weren’t dead?” Facebook
Accidentally left my shopping list on the kitchen bench so relied on memory. Came home with two tubs of icecream and a puppy.
I told my therapist I don’t get depressed. She looked at her notes and said “Why not?”.
Pharaohs were buried with their hands crossed over their chest because of the belief there would be countless water slides in the after life.
I always let people pass me in PT Cruisers, they've been through enough.
I have this reoccurring nightmare that I’m on death row and I have to cook my last meal.
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Who to follow
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Benny Boy
@Camel_Crushin -
Matty Boom Batty
@vlowgoes -
Dominic Webb
@coachWebb_11 -
SHANtilly Lace
@theshantilly -
its_all_sexy_to_me
@ItsAllCrazyToMe -
NoWarranty
@nowarranty -
Nic
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Summer of Benny
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〰 Just Linda 〰
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kanye’s bhole
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Marl
@Marlebean -
Lisabug
@Lisabug74 -
Sadie Smith 2.0🌻
@SadieSkyNinja -
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Edgar G
@bleustreak
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