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My Nightmare

@PhilGordonPhoto

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A woman that truly loves you will stick by you no matter how many times you cheat. That woman is your mother not your wife.


My Nightmare Reposted

Walmart is giving free turkeys out to anyone who can outrun security.


My Nightmare Reposted

You’re not a bad bitch. You’re just a terrible person. There is a difference.


My Nightmare Reposted

I won’t argue with a woman with a nice ass. whatever you say queen.


My new self-help book "Mind Your Own Business: A Guide to Better Living" will be available in time for the holidays


Louis Vuitton is giving out free bags if you walk in with a mask and gun..


Tomorrow isn’t promised guys.. so please tell your lovers and friends.. that Usher, Jon and Luda had to do it again.


My future wife is probably taking a depression nap right now.. Sweet dreams you sad bitch.. I love you


Waffle House is great if you like eating breakfast food at an active crime scene


My Nightmare Reposted
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My Nightmare Reposted

If you guys wanna see a 28 year old fight a 58 year old just introduce me to your father


My Nightmare Reposted

If RFK bans Cinnamon Toast Crunch, I’ll make Jan 6th look like a knitting circle.


I had to call up my ex this morning and tell her to get tested.. I don't have anything, But she was kind of a slut and I sometimes worry


Social media has 50-year-old women saying they're single because they haven't met the right guy. You’re going to meet him soon, his name is Jesus.


We may not agree on politics or religion.. but we ALL want to see Mike Tyson knock out Jake Paul in the first round.


horny couples have ruined the term “good girl.” I will now refer to my cat as little homie from now on.


Perhaps the "ideal body weight" is the amount it weighs when you are too busy loving your life to give a shit about your body weight.


My Nightmare Reposted

if i could last as long in bed as I do in pointless arguments it would be over for you bitches.


My dad had this great magic trick.. he used to show us every night how to turn a regular bottle of vodka into domestic assault


Guys who can’t beat the pussy up.. usually end up beating the bitch up.


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