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3 weeks ago I withdrew from Copthorne 200 because I couldn't put in the required training. The pressure is off, I'm training much less now but my body is breaking. So you know what? I quit. I can't join in with most of the ultra stuff anyway so what's the point?
I'm glad to be back home for a few days. Despite the sadness of the occasion, it was nice to have time with my dad & youngest brother, and to walk Devon lanes. But I need to be busy to take my mind away from the unhappy memories this death has stirred up. My garden calls.
Mum passed away this morning. I am glad she is no longer suffering but I am also glad that dad is released from the burden of caring for her.
After next week the price of a single on my local railway line will rise from £1 to over £5. And then there will be another increase next year. Use public transport they say. Sure. If my income increases in proportion to everything else.
Next batch going out tomorrow. F you could please share this so I’m not left with ONE HUNDRED calendars. Thanks, Twitter!
Today. The fatigue isn't going away but today is so lovely that I decided to ignore the knee pain and overwhelming achey tiredness and just move. And then I found this handsome moth when I got back.
Sunday morning baking. One of my most favourite @dan_lepard recipes. I always add chocolate to the dough because pnb + chocolate is so good.
I'm done with all the training, relentlessly pushing on, always chasing. What's it all for? What am I trying to prove? I'm a nothing and a no one. And I am tired to my bones.
A few years ago there's no way I would have stood in front of a year 9 class and taught them algebra, let alone with a member of SLT present. But guess how the last lesson of the day turned out...
Had my mammogram today. It is a really uncomfortable procedure when you have very little boobage. But I'm glad they do the screening and I'm grateful that it was easy to rearrange the appointment so it was out of school hours.
I've done a lot of algebra today. Rather more fun than running and it makes my brain more peaceful.
This is good news (I hope). Support staff roles have changed so much over the last 25 years and it's time that was recognised in terms of job description (these hardly changed at all), pay & progression. gov.uk/government/new…
It's nothing amazing compared to what everything everyone else is doing, but this evening I did five 30 second dead hangs without having to break each hang into shorter bursts. A month ago I couldn't manage even one lot of 30 seconds.
I'm so tired of all the things women my age *should* be doing- every day is a just a huge list of 'must do' and I can't get through it all. I'm retreating into a world of maths where I'm mostly lost but at least it's peaceful.
Back to feeling completely washed out and no energy but I got through a couple of things on the garden to-do list. Feeling guilty for not making the 500 mile round trip to my parents, but the 4am start & drive would have completely broken me.
Recent rain splatted some of the cosmos but I rescued some broken stems and brought them indoors. The cosmos was very slow to get growing but I'm so grateful for the flowers now as the colour drains from the garden.
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Coops
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