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@_davidlucas_Not owing explanations to strangers on the internet since 2011. Proudly blocked by @3AWNeilMitchell.
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I hate people who hold grudges, but not as much as I hate my high school German teacher.
Cats the Musical Finally Ends After Immigrants Eat Entire Cast, Trump Claims theshovel.com.au/2024/09/12/cat…
WIFE: You're very quiet. What are you thinking? ME: Prince William should rent out some rooms in Kensington Palace to tourists. Call it Heirbnb. HER: Sometimes it's ok to say 'nothing'
Brand new shoes means I'll step in shit, shit you not
FYI, 500 years ago Nostradamus predicted that some of my tweets might not be true.
So people are now saying there's water on the moon. That's lunar sea.
The NRA has responded to the Donald Trump rooftop shooting by calling for a ban on rooftops
This is the kind of shit I live for 😂😂😂
American Democrats: "Six weeks isn't enough time to replace a leader" Australians: "We'd have it done in under 24 hours" theshovel.com.au/2024/07/04/dem…
I remember when Door Dash was pulling yourself out of the marijuana haze at 3:50am and realizing you had 10 minutes until Taco Bell closed.
WIFE: You're very quiet. What are you thinking? ME: They should call the receipt the cashier gives you a 'buyography' and the one from the self-checkouts an 'autobuyography'. HER: Sometimes it's ok to say 'nothing'
The world went to hell when kids stopped playing outside.
[Chopping herbs for the soup] Wife: What are you thinking? Me: This is thyme I'll never get back LOL Wife: Sometimes it's okay to say "nothing" Me: Only some-thymes? lol Wife: I hate you
Father's Day is this Sunday. My Dad always taught me right from wrong. He was always right. I was always wrong.
Met a nine year old with a mullet today and he stole my jean jacket
OPINION: “There’s No Racism in Australia and You Can Piss Off Back to Where You Came From if You Don’t Agree” theshovel.com.au/2024/05/31/opi…
Watching Trump trying to dance, it's true what they say, guilty feet have got no rhythm.
Final Destination remake but it’s a Boeing whistleblower trying to stay alive
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Bad Mikey
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Matty Boom Batty
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Gran Master E.
@E_lok44 -
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@Rolltide_mn -
🐈 Mattzilla™️🐈
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David's Soul
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LTB
@_Tempo11 -
𝐵𝓇𝑜𝒻𝑒𝓈𝓈𝑜𝓇 𝕏
@1_swarthy_dude
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