SamiGirl
@SamKin74educational diagnostician, former special education teacher, mom of 2
Similar User
@tombrickjr
@angelmcclain21
@ginnawings
@jawshwalla
@MoosePunch
@ObsessionNumb
@IzzyIlluminates
@ryanprice77
@Kenevel
Always date a woman over 40. They carry snacks and ibuprofen in their purse.
Doing the bird box challenge thanks to the frost on my windshield.
21: I just saw your dinglehopper! Me: My what? 21: (points to woman)There! She looks just like you!
Me: Hey, Siri, where’s the nearest Carl’s Jr? Siri: The nearest Carl’s Jr is on Broad Street. Is that the one you want? Me: I suppose. Siri: I don’t know what you mean by “I got hoes.”
Dear @LidlUS My name is Bean. I eat peanut butter and jelly English muffins for three meals a day. Back in February, my mom bought 72 jars of your peanut butter when it was on sale for 78 cents a jar. I numbered each jar.
11: Hey, Mom, want to spend $100 to see how white you are? (was pointing at a discount version of genetic testing)
A lady cut in front of me in the McDonald’s drive through. A few minutes later, she was involved in a fender bender. 11: Now that’s what you call karma. Me: Literally CAR-ma 11: (huge smile) I’m so proud of you. My kid loves puns.
I’m just looking for someone who will eat the dark meat so I don’t waste half the rotisserie chicken.
Sometimes I think I’m getting pretty desperate, but then someone comes along to remind me that I do indeed have standards.
I thought my iPhone had given fat me and not-as-fat me two separate photo albums, but it was me with glasses and me without glasses which is kind of the same thing.
1st off: I'm dead serious. 2nd: I'm giving away this laptop. Just like & RT this tweet & reply with a number between 1 & 40,000. The closest wins. One entry per person. Winner is announced on 12/31 2pm EST. Must be following. USA only.
It's hard to be productive when your bra feels like a medieval torture device.
Others: I wonder what pair of socks I'll wear today? Us: I wonder if I'll find a pair of socks that matches today? Probably not.
At some point, you hit an age where only your therapist wants to know how your day went.
If you're not a parent, please stick your parenting advice up your bottom. And if you're not a single parent just know that it's the hardest job in the world.
Hey @SouthwestAir, my sister @SamKin74 posted that viral video of the hilarious flight attendant. Can you fly her and my niece and nephew out to LA to visit me?
Is it a successful trip to the buffet if you don't leave hating yourself?
Insomnia tip: use this time wisely. Win imaginary arguments against people you haven't seen in years and are probably dead.
United States Trends
- 1. $DCARS 5.733 posts
- 2. Liverpool 98 B posts
- 3. $CUTO 7.422 posts
- 4. Fulham 46,7 B posts
- 5. $VSG 3.317 posts
- 6. Everton 43,3 B posts
- 7. #Dreamcars 1.743 posts
- 8. Go Army 10,4 B posts
- 9. Antonee Robinson N/A
- 10. #LIVFUL 22,5 B posts
- 11. #Caturday 7.049 posts
- 12. Robertson 17,2 B posts
- 13. Arteta 16,3 B posts
- 14. Jota 16,6 B posts
- 15. Odegaard 7.808 posts
- 16. Martinelli 10,4 B posts
- 17. Quansah 4.085 posts
- 18. #ARSEVE 8.973 posts
- 19. Lambo 8.077 posts
- 20. #SaturdayVibes 7.642 posts
Something went wrong.
Something went wrong.