@zagan Profile picture

Joshua Zagan

@zagan

pronouns: suck it.

Joined March 2009
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If we all go to jail at some point for illegally downloading music, I hope they at least split us up by genre.


I’d like to propose one more thing to the list of prohibited items TSA checks for at airport security: infants.


Why does opening an ironing board sound like opening the gates of hell? Is that a requirement?


I can’t even get to the chill part of Netflix and chill because it takes an hour to pick what to watch on Netflix.


If I'm on a zoom call with you, make no mistake that I'm staring at myself the entire time.


I cannot see how Biden won Wisconsin. Lil Wayne supports Trump. And Wayne rhymed mansion with Wisconsin. Therefore Wisconsin should go to Trump.


Black, trans, left-handed, journalist, vegan, anarchists lives matter.


Mask or pants. You pick what you want me to wear. But not both.


I don’t trust mint chocolate chip ice cream that isn’t green.


Hey, folks, I’m really sorry about all this bull shit. But I have to be honest, that bat was DELICIOUS!


I just bumped into the cable install guy out front my house and he asked me what time it was. I told him it was between 8 am and 1 pm.


Whomever said there’s no such thing as white culture never saw Wolf of Wall Street.


Celery ain’t even food. Celery is just exercise.


Currently helping my son search for his box of Reese’s Pieces that I ate an hour ago.


Life is like a game of chess... I don’t know how to play chess.


Sin is like a credit card... Enjoy now, pay later.


Blessed are those who read an online news story to the end before commenting on it.


Surely not everybody was kung fu fighting.


Still haven’t lost my virginity, because I don’t lose.


Why the fuck would you go big when you can go home?


.@neiltyson How does corn un-chew itself in my stomach?


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