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It figures. Breaking news headline banner on my local media web page is about Powerball numbers. Not the hurricane warning that was just issued. Not the election. Not even the delayed SpaceX launch. Priorities.
Today, President Biden included additional Florida counties as those considered major disaster areas after speaking with the Governor. Meanwhile, every single Florida Republican in Congress refused to vote for Hurricane Ian relief funds. (No, sadly, you didn’t read that wrong.)
After several days of being bombarded by Amazon Prime sale ads, “articles,” “reviews,” etc., on every social media and online news platform, I’ve decided I’m much too annoyed to buy anything.
Apparently my cat can tell the difference between real thunder, which always scares her, and a SpaceX launch. She sat unconcerned through a SpaceX launch a few minutes ago, and now she’s hiding from real thunder.
Why does autocorrect always change “autopay” to autopsy. I promise I did not want to set up an autopsy.
In an earlier Tweet I described a mysterious package that contained a box of screws from Home Depot. That was the first clue that my credit card number had been stolen. I get it now. Screw you, too!
Today I received a package from Home Depot. I didn’t order anything. The address was correct, but the last letter of my last name was missing. Opened it and found a package of screws. Now I know there’s an Ellen out there with a screw loose, and it’s not me!
If you spot the spineless migrating Ted Cruz, note that it doesn’t fly in a traditional “V” formation. Instead, it flies in an “A” formation (for “A$$hole).
I’m excited, because today we’ll get to see the breathtaking migration of Ted Cruz flying south for the winter.
WHAT IF the COVID-sniffing dogs get COVID and lose their sense of smell? (Or is that not a symptom in dogs, has anyone asked the dogs?)
I sent a text asking my daughter if she still had a Ouija board. I didn’t bother to capitalize the word “ouija,” and the phone autocorrected it to “pious.” Someone please lmk if that is normal or if my phone is possessed.
Good morning from coastal Florida! Too many choices today. I don’t know which disaster to check on first: the latest track of Hurricane Isaias or the latest COVID-19 statistics.
I feel slightly better about my crowded, messy bookshelf after seeing Dr Fauci’s bookshelf...
My dad is really embracing technology during social distancing. He’s hosting a virtual cocktail party for his neighborhood on Cape Cod (and hmmm I just realized he didn’t invite me.)
It’s cold! Even in Florida. And I was tempted to hop in the car and drive south this morning. No, not to escape the “cold”, but to see whether I could get hit by a falling iguana.
This week my mom asked if I remembered going to see the Watergate Hearings (we lived in Maryland). This is exactly who my mom is: a “Bleeding Heart Liberal” Democrat who took her little kid to the Watergate Hearings for educational purposes. ♥️ that woman!
Saw a party full of kids not at school today and my first thought was they were very likely to be the offspring of “anti-vaxxers” and that reminded me to get my flu shot.
There’s a precise timeline for hurricane preparation. This means you have to eat up all the ice cream while waiting for the storm to hit and save the chocolate bars for after the power goes out. You want to minimize your losses.
Love how my everyday weather app is refusing to acknowledge the approaching hurricane...it says “70% chance of storms.” Ummm yeah.
I will try to put a positive spin on this hurricane: 1) perfect excuse to wear favorite athleisure outfit for several days in a row; 2) finally throw out the weird/old frozen food—if the power goes out; plenty of time to snuggle with cats!
(Hurricane Tweets Now!!) People in my grocery store today, “Dammit they’re only selling 2 cases of water per person” vs people at my gym, “Are you staying for the next class too?”
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