TWirt
@wirtersblockI work in advertising. Tweeting is my creative outlet.
Similar User
@HeMightBeJason
@JayMindX
@Scorpio1080
@WryBry
@LooptyBoo
@RefinedBogan
@geowizzacist
@pondermymaker
@Tipocazzuto
@MarkBuckawicki
@RICKSH0W
@edawg_eric
@kayleighceilidh
@SteinsGate0001
@midlifecrisisfl
I don’t pretend to know what’s happening. I pretend to be on the phone when it’s happening.
Ginkgo biloba in my tea? No thanks. I'm drinking to forget.
Child: Mom can I sleep with you? Me: No. I can’t risk whatever you’re scared of following you to my bed.
Don't believe my claims of sophistication- I will eventually give myself away by saying "gabbage" or "fridgerator"
I have to hang up now, the paramedics are here. Me flirting in my fifties.
“Wonder how many assholes I’ll have to deal with today” is my first thought upon waking up.
French roast and raisin toast is the breakfast that I love the most. I need mnemonics to function, which reminds me, what rhymes with flush the toilet?
I’d rather be alone and naked in a cage than go to a bridal shower.
I saw someone's butthole walking to my office this morning and I feel like Twitter adequately prepared me for this.
just learned from buzzfeed that I should avoid the words "surveillance" and/or "yolo" in a cover letter. well GODDAMMIT
Turned on the correct stove burner on the first try, I am INVINCIBLE.
I like my desperation the way I like my western fronts: Quiet.
{quiet violin music} Dear ma: The lovely ladies on my timeline didn't want to see the photographs of my penis. I worry for my future. What will become of me? I fear it all hangs in the balance. Your loving son, Jebediah.
I only liked half your selfies bc I respect you as a person.
Don't make me break out my grandma's potato dumpling recipe.
After taking my house my ex still went bankrupt so I’m here to tell you that the power of positive thinking really works.
United States Trends
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- 6. #BeatTheSnail N/A
- 7. Arizona State 8.830 posts
- 8. Big 12 18,8 B posts
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- 11. Notre Dame 19,2 B posts
- 12. Travis Hunter 11,3 B posts
- 13. Heisman 9.568 posts
- 14. James Franklin 1.525 posts
- 15. Kenny Dillingham 1.015 posts
- 16. Indiana 64,4 B posts
- 17. Sanders 26,2 B posts
- 18. #Huskers 3.011 posts
- 19. Nissan 24,9 B posts
- 20. Nebraska 15,9 B posts
Who to follow
-
Jason
@HeMightBeJason -
JayMind
@JayMindX -
The Last Unicorn YouKnow
@Scorpio1080 -
WryBry
@WryBry -
Johnny 2 Balls
@LooptyBoo -
Silent Oz
@RefinedBogan -
Phil
@geowizzacist -
DPW
@pondermymaker -
ⓝⓘⓒⓚ
@Tipocazzuto -
Buddawiggi🟢
@MarkBuckawicki -
Wick Amble 🧀
@RICKSH0W -
Easy👾
@edawg_eric -
Kayligula
@kayleighceilidh -
Srini
@SteinsGate0001 -
Bachelor_in_paradise
@midlifecrisisfl
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