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This is what a nice bath will get ya
You guys ever look at the snap stories of ppl who absolutely peaked in high school?? Bc it’s the highest form of self care
I don’t drink caffeine to wake up. I wake up to drink caffeine.
My wife Helen went to Troy and I'm gonna make it everyone's problem
Tiktoks of hot guys being enthusiastic teachers changes my brain chemistry
True humility
dinosaurs literally got taken out on the same planet we walk on today and people still think we’re invincible. ur not better than a stegosaurus
A cactus is just a really aggressive cucumber.
Can men stop making that they workout a personality trait? It’s boring
A teenage TikTok-er pointed out that there were no ASL interpreters at the debate last night, which means ~600,000 deaf Americans were not afforded the chance to participate in their democracy. I can't stop thinking about it. How can that STILL be an oversight in 2020?
i grew up ugly so i had to be funny and then got hot in my twenties so that’s how i became perfect
all i’m saying is obama was not allowed to pick a new judge when scalia died because obama was leaving office in 7 months. so i SWEAR TO GOD if they let TRUMP pick a replacement TWO MONTHS before an election i’m going to eat an entire door
I’ve never wanted to watch scary movies while eating popcorn and drink coffee so badly. Fall better be good to me this year
They didn’t tell me that when you’re living history you never know what the right thing to do is
i dont mind mosquitos sucking my blood (i have plenty to go around) what annoys me is the need to inject the itch juice into my skin....like im already feeding you why are you being such a bitch. imagine if i slapped my mom every time she made me dinner.
Top sheets are unnecessary and dumb and I’m tired of pretending that they aren’t
Get rid of Greek life at all colleges and replace it with Italian life. every chapter is named after a deli meat
I’m bloated because of my period, I’m a bitch because of me
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