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James Timpson OBE @JamesTCobbler has been appointed Minister of State (Minister for Prisons, Parole and Probation) in the Ministry of Justice @MoJGovUK
This is all going according to plan. England limp through to the quarter finals but with no feelgood factor to help the Tories. Then after the election Southgate gets them playing brilliantly and they win the tournament and a Labour Prime Minister welcomes them back with the cup
Some free legal advice for @TiceRichard Here is a complete list of the ways a court can overturn tax legislation telegraph.co.uk/politics/2024/…
At #PMQs today, Rishi Sunak said taxes are “being cut by £900 for the average worker”. This figure refers specifically to savings from recently announced reductions to National Insurance contributions. It doesn’t factor in the impact of ongoing tax threshold freezes. (1/3)
Word of the day is ‘matter’, which began with the Latin ‘mater’, ‘mother’, because it is a substance from which we are made. (Should those of us lucky enough to be writing a Mother’s Day card need an alternative word for ‘mother’, there is always ‘genetrix’.)
There now follows a Party Political Broadcast by Count Binface. And quite frankly it's a banger. Help me run for mayor here. Under £5k to go! gofundme.com/f/countbinface… #BinDay #LoveDemocracy
Credit must go to great writer, @IanMartin, whose “Marzipan Dildo” has been unofficially commandeered.
BREAKING 🚨🚨🚨 Nicola Sturgeon urged to apologise after leaked WhatsApp messages describing Matt Hancock as “Weaker than a nuns piss,” Liz Truss as “About as much use as a marzipan dildo,” and referring to Suella Braverman as “Shitler.”
Start the New Year with a boost to your library. We have a copy of this great book to give away. To be in with a chance to win, simply RT/repost this. We will pick a winner on 2 January. Good luck!
Kings of Leon just messaged to say your sex is actually just orange plastic netting flapping in the wind.
(Please note this column has drawn a somewhat idiosyncratic Secret Santa offer from Joey Barton)
This 🤧
You: “Only three days until Christmas!” Your body: “Here, have a cold!”
Waiting for the penny to drop for the idiots claiming Mary Earps winning SPOTY is part of a woke agenda. It was a free public vote. You're particular brand of piss boiling misogyny isn't as popular as your social media echo chamber would have you believe. So kindly...
Some questions @bbclaurak could ask Michelle Mone:
I will appear on ‘Sunday with Laura Kuenssberg’ this weekend with my husband for our first exclusive interview since beginning our fightback against DHSC. @bbclaurak
This painting by Edwin Van Kuyp (1617-1672) hangs in the National Gallery. It's a psychological study, depicting the howling, serpentine rage of the prosperous when their will is thwarted. It was considered to be a rebuke to Amsterdam's mercantile classes bridling at tax reforms.
The best types of tea: -The tea brought to you in bed on a Sunday morning -The tea that comforts you after bad news, gives you the energy to carry on -The leaning on the worktop after cleaning the kitchen tea (usually held in two hands) -The “struggle to take a glove off as…
The only time Laurence Fox was ever going to play Batman was up a crane, waving a banner saying SHE WON’T LET ME SEE THE KIDS
The Tories crashed the economy. They failed on it for 13 years. They can't deliver the change Britain needs.
At some point, people with financial responsibility for this country will work out that ensuring that people who appear in court have access to qualified lawyers who are paid properly is actually cheaper, more efficient and fairer than the alternative
Free prescriptions and legal aid to end for benefit claimants not seeking work independent.co.uk/news/uk/mel-st…
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