Jake
@jakeline47word wrangler, bullshit dispenser. mostly just lurks about. she/they. side project: making weird/dreamy music at https://t.co/lGZ3uaQzFz.
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Sorry my twitter chums, but twitter without an external app isn’t worth using. I’m not deleting my account, but I won’t be around. Hit me up elsewhere if you want to get in contact.
What would December be without another gloomy ass Christmas song by off/no? This song delighted my little black heart since the moment I heard it, so you get to deal with it now. With some sort of holiday cheer, off/no 🖤 offno.bandcamp.com/track/sallys-s…
Time is running out, my friends
one rule that is real and i didn't just make up is that before twitter ends, if you have a twitter-based crush, you have to tell them. it is the law and you could be punished if you do not comply
What idiot schedules herself for 4.5 hours of back to back student conferences without a break and then goes right into teaching a class? Oh. Right. This idiot.
my grading procrastination is taking the form of lovebombing house plants I’ve neglected for the past three weeks and i think that’s beautiful
When I toured Pompeii, I learned that when Mt. Vesuvius blew its top, the guy in charge—rather than help his people to safety—held an orgy at his house because he assumed he was an untouchable, rich near-deity favored by the gods. (Guess how that went.) In conclusion, Twitter.
Note to future jake: if your legs are angry at you for seemingly no reason, ask yourself if you walked around in 3 inch heels the day before
I dreamt that my girl cat’s barfy problem wasn’t from hairballs or that she’s a glutton who eats too fast but because she was being used as an intergalactic transport, so that’s where my brain has been at lately
Cleaning out my old phone means going through my drafts, so here goes nothing
In an age of information overabundance, critical ignoring is as important as critical thinking.
Fuckers out here in the LA rain driving like they’ve never known that they were hydroplaning and it shows
I don’t think one would *attend* the Blood Moon so much as one might sacrifice one’s tastiest-looking neighborhood child to it
lots of worried buckaroos wondering where they will trot to. i think this is a personal question for everyone, lots of different places to stay or go, but i will say this: where you trot is not quite as important as HOW you trot, and you all trot so beautifully it blows me away
You know we’ve all made jokes about dudes seeing something 3-4” and saying it’s 6-8”. I asked my hairdresser if she could trim a few inches and apparently this size estimation issue isn’t just limited to insecure men
Maybe I’m overcaffeinated, but the fact that “paperclips” is translated to “trombones” makes me laugh. Because look at those little guys! they’re totally trombones!
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@soapreporter -
Steinn Sigurðsson
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Jesse Heiman
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Stock & Barrel
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Phiϕ 🇫🇷^^ن✝️ 🦺🐞#LAM⚪
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