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Omg I hate when I’m carrying 3 plates to a table and they say “oh we’re missing the rest of our food” WELL IM MISSING MY 3RD ARM CALM DOWN
When Waka said “Listen to this track bitch,” what I do? Sat there and listened to that track like the bitch I was
Doctor Strange has to resolve a multiversal war bc his dumbass texted while driving once in 2016
I be hella fake at work using words I never use irl like “awesome”
we're collectively joking about a year of quarantine ruining our social skills and ability to function in the regular world -- but we just can't understand how people come out of prison after 5 or 10 or 20 years maladapted / how incarceration only continues cycles of harm.
normalize not getting your life back on track after the pandemic, this is who i am now i don’t have the strength to fix it
sorry i can’t talk right now I’m doing hot girl shit (6 loads of laundry bc i was too depressed for 2 weeks)
I have a disease called it’s nice out so I’m drinking
bank account: $1400 me at the crystal shop: bring me the infinity stones
nothing makes me hornier than the thought of moving somewhere where absolutely no one knows me
every day I wake up and say “I’m tired of this grandpa” and every day the universe says “that’s too damn bad”
PRO TIP FOR PEOPLE STRUGGLING WITH ANXIETY: I have found it very beneficial to my mental health, especially my anxiety, to not be in a pandemic
Sometimes is ok to wake up and choose violence. At least once a month.
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