Holly Jaqua
@hollyjaquawife, mom, recovering alcoholic, and animal based nutrition fanatic.
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I need @Apple to create a setting where my phone will hit me with 5,000 volts every time I open social media.
Jeep people whispering, “you wouldn’t understand” as they add another rubber ducky to their dashboard collection.
I just bought my eight year old a smoothie and she goes: “Is this healthy?” Me: “Yeah, kinda.” Her: “Well, at least it’s healthier than drugs!” It would appear the bar is on the floor.
Maybe free some people in jail for weed here too?
My mother, who is a literal angel from god, doesn’t know what @SanPellegrino is and thought I was having a relapse right in front of her, at work, at nine in the morning. #sobriety
Today my daughter got mad at me because the music I played in the car wasn’t sad enough. #GenA #momlife
I trust my boyfriend more than I’ve ever trusted anyone because he literally “aww”s out loud every time he sees a kid.
Every time I get a weird feeling about a person I be right
I’m personally a huge fan of songs that hit me right in the abandonment trauma.
Eric: “Awww, you put on your nice tube top to go to Walmart!” *realizes I might be white trash*
Pro: You will always know exactly how I feel about you Con: You will always know exactly how I feel about you
i wonder how much money i could save if i wasn’t a fucking idiot
mango has the texture of raw chicken & this is why i can’t sleep at night
I may be smiling, but deep down inside I’m still thinking about the fact that I crashed my car when I was 20 because there was a spider on my foot.
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