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the highest form of rejection is when an automatic door doesn’t open for you
does anyone have a better alternative to “god bless you” because “merry sneezemas” is NOT catching on
new millennium prize idea: solve equations of motion for a dropped AirPod. god herself can’t predict where it will bounce to.
overheard a cute old man say to his buddies, earnestly: “there are people who identify as non-binary, but I don’t even know what a binary person is!”
did you know that if you repeatedly chant "the wickedly talented adele dazeem" into a mirror, angela bassett does the thing
i will personally thank anyone who likes my tweets just send me your email address
batman is just a nepo baby with laryngitis, nice try @Marvel can’t fool me
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