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If you ever see me laughing with a man just know I made the joke. Don’t get it twisted.
i don’t use a period tracker i just wait until i’ve started drafting my suicide letter and then i know she’s coming
My child is desperately wiggling a loose tooth so she can force santa and the tooth fairy to meet and fight
At JFK. Guy behind the counter asks for a volunteer to give up a seat for $500. Nothing. "$550." The crowd suddenly coalesces to shout "HIGHER!" like it was a game show. "$750" "HIGHER! "800!" "NOT IN NEW YORK! GO HIGHER!" They applauded the elderly woman who took it at $1100.
If you text "Home" to 741741 when you are feeling depressed, sad or going through any kind of emotional crisis, a Crisis Worker will text you back immediately & continue to text with you. It's a FREE Service to anyone who lives in the US. Please use it when you need to 🫶🏽
So I worked at @drmartens for over 3.5 years. During lockdown I entered an internal competition to design a pair and I won! Never heard from Head office again. Here’s my design and here’s a pair that have just appeared on the store… not cool!!!
Beyonce adding All Night on Lemonade after dragging Jay Z for 10 tracks straight.
black mirror writers have 24 hours to respond
Palmer Luckey, founder of Oculus, claims to have designed a VR headset that will actually kill the user if they die in the game. When the game-over screen is displayed, three explosive charge modules would go off, obliterating the player’s head. 🔗: bit.ly/3Tij0Z2
everything i have ever seen of post malone he's super positive and sweet why would anybody do this
The lining of my stomach seeing me drink yet another carbonated drink instead of a much needed glass of water:
“Can you send me the pics from this weekend?” The pics:
10 years fly when the world is constantly falling apart, but at least Twitter makes me laugh through most of it #MyTwitterAnniversary
me in my lil me in my lil fall outfit fall outfit at 8am at 5pm
This email from a student, when I taught remote, lives rent free in my head 😂
My boyfriend is missing and we are extremely worried about his health and safety. Retweet and share with friends and family. He could be anywhere.
me: exciting things are happening! my anxiety: and for my next trick I will turn exciting things into terrifying things
I just tried to give #RENAISSANCE a break and play some other music
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