Horatio Quartzjixler
@QuartzjixlerBefore Twitter I used to hang out in a lighthouse and flash my thoughts using an Aldis lamp.
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Girl, are you a junk refrigerator left by the curb with the door still attached? Because I want to put a baby in you.
Any of you lawyers out there interested in a jump scare lawsuit?
Whenever I see a decoration that has three carved pumpkins on it, two of them are yukking it up and the third one looks pretty concerned.
Alright, that's enough from me. You can all go back to screeching at each other now. Toodles.
in the south, we live and die during the final four minutes of Freebird
Jeffrey Dahmer probably never imagined he would be mentioned in so many rap songs.
Txt from wife: where r u Me:kitchen Wife:can u feed cat M: I mean garage W:bring in laundry M:bathroom W:clean toilet M: Idaho W:get potatos
"AND FUCK IT !!!!" ~ me trying to reclose a pizza box
when someone dies in the hospital and they put a sheet over them that’s just bc they’re preparing them for being a ghost
The program was great. Not only did we have a yabba dabba doo time but we had a gay old time.
I don't retweet many of you, you know, because you're all mental.
Maybe 2025 will be the year you appreciate your privilege.
I call it "grass", like an undercover movie cop from the 70s.
I’ll see your toxic masculinity and raise you a virulent feminazi.
Does Victoria's Secret sell cargo-style lingerie yet?
Much respect to the original guy who lied so fucking hard, his pants went up in flames.
You all tweet like you're Tony Soprano or something. You're not getting my loyalty or respect, you naked weirdos.
Walks into confessional. Slides phone through slot.
The shark was on the poster. But three men sitting around a table made that movie great.
I blasted the song “Jump Around” while cooking dinner and now there’s 4 broken windows and there’s Sloppy Joe all over the ceiling and my cat is halfway to Canada
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Who to follow
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Bad Mikey
@BadMikeyBad -
Boyd's Backyard™
@TheBoydP -
Matty Boom Batty
@vlowgoes -
Böb Jänke: Hönkÿ
@Bob_Janke -
🐈 Mattzilla™️🐈
@mattZillaaaa -
Lounge Fly
@mrjohntofu -
Dead Pan Nick
@Contwixt -
Tommy Knоckers
@TomE83_ -
Gran Master E.
@E_lok44 -
Jarhead
@Jarhead44 -
Chad Read
@squirrel74wkgn -
Marcmywords
@Marcmywords2 -
Bʀɪᴀɴɪᴀᴄ®
@BGH70 -
Linda
@turtledumplin -
SmartassChef
@SmartassChef
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