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If you pay child support for one kid it’s a whopping 20% of your income, but if you have another kid dude’s only worth about 8% bringing you up to 28% total so you really get more #bang for your buck on that second #bang
Did you know that Call me By Your Name (2018) is the sequel to the song john jacob jingleheimer schmidt
I promised my momma a house but shit hasn’t gone according to plan so best I can do is my HBO login
I guess I’ll never get to wear the shiny jump suit from the Mo Money Mo Problems music video. Thanks a lot P Diddy
Someone said Chivalry is dead I said I don’t drive a truck but I’m gonna bang that lady
It’s too bad electric guitar wasn’t invented while they still had drummer boys in armies
Sketch about SNL members thinking -insert any cast member- gets a little too handsy during the hugs at the end of every show
Happy Independence Day to Toby Keith’s Dad’s right eye, wherever it may be
One thing I’ve learned about Nashville is that cover bands have not learned Ophelia by The Band and they need to practice it next band rehearsal
The Ray J & Kim K sextape is like 10% sex and 90% them chewing their gum like assholes
Women in their 20s love to do Instagram Q&As to give life advice to other people in their 20s.
Dads will be like “you know that article of clothing I said I’d never wear so I gave to you, how come you never wear that?”
Got rejected by my crush in my own dream last night. That’s so fucked up
If someone makes a joke and you’re the type of person to say “how long have you been thinking of that one?!” just know no one likes you.
At trivia night rn and the first category is “Whose tits are these?” Wild
I am eating Chinese with chopsticks directly out of a takeout box far less than I had imagined when I was younger
Nothing is worse than your own Bluetooth device suddenly not willing to pair with you, as if you’ve been beating it every night as opposed to giving it a warm home with a roof and sending good vibes for years
Hey @zacbrownband what do you mean when you sing “and her pretty legs go to heaven every time” ?😏 #whateveritis #youknowwhatitis
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