Sweet Slips
@Ndeshi_MI’ll hold grudges and tacos, but not babies!! Tweets come from two separate places: My head and my ass. #envydastrength
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I told all my colleagues at work that I have a twin so that when I see them in public I don't have to talk to them.
It is my one hope that social media will allow people to realize that they're not alone, that everyone is broken.
If you look in the dictionary for the definition of stupidity, you will find a picture of Hannes Löttering.
Don't be sad dirty dishes, nobody's doing me either.
Not to brag guys but, I got so much procrastinating done today.
When my girlfriend is really mad at me, I put a cape on her and tell her, there, now you're super mad.
That awkward moment when you realize there is no awkward moment, but rather, you're just awkward.
I'm trying to be more fit these days, so now I walk inside the store to buy my donuts instead of using the drive-thru.
No Grandma, a brothel is not a soup kitchen.
When I die, someone, please attend my funeral dressed as the Grim Reaper and just stand there and don't say a word. Thanks.
I told you so, you idiot. - Your intuition.
Your tweets are so awesome, I don't know whether to follow you or spoon you.
My trail mix is Xanax, Viagra, Porn and Twitter.
You know what I like about you the most....your dog.
Just remember, if you can't tweet something nice, at least make it funny or sarcastic.
"We've been together for 4 years now and it's time to take the next step on our journey!" *jumps in front of the 8.53 to Aberdeen*
Let me spread this knob butter on your glistening yams. - Slightly skew-whiff root vegetable sext.
Whenever someone approaches my work desk, I scowl "Got the wrong guy, pal" just like Rick Deckard did at the noodle bar.
Of course I'm depressed. It's the holiday season but I know I'm not alone under the flaming x-mas tree. Yay *hides lighter in glitter sock
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Who to follow
-
Elle
@Dcbelle02 -
Gran Master E.
@E_lok44 -
Goddess Of Mischief™
@AsgardianRose -
Lounge Fly
@mrjohntofu -
LTB
@_Tempo11 -
Saertje
@SaertjeMirror -
вℓσи∂є αмbitισи
@CharmandBrains -
SHANtilly Lace
@theshantilly -
rick
@rickolantern -
𝐵𝓇𝑜𝒻𝑒𝓈𝓈𝑜𝓇 𝕏
@1_swarthy_dude -
Salma El-Wardany
@writtenbysalma -
NotKaseyKasem™
@psychogoddess -
DΛVID
@_davidlucas_ -
kauaibride
@Kauaibride -
JMOTUS
@TheJohnMariano
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