Mike Lubbers
@MikeLubbers310If you don't say everything that initially comes to mind, you'll never have to use the phrase, 'on second thought' to correct the dumb thing you said earlier.
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My pitch for a new CBS show: An FBI agent struggles to find love with an ER doctor whose daughter is a Firefighter that is in pursuit of a rogue police chief trapped behind an inferno-but that same cop holds the key to unlocking the FBI agent’s emotional connection to the doctor.
My silent prayer for this year’s Super Bowl is for both teams to set the NFL record for most interceptions in a Super Bowl. #SBLVIII
For a country music performer who has been commissioned to sing the national anthem, that was an embarrassingly deficient amount of sequins on Reba’s outfit. Your only job was not to be sharp or flat and put every beauty pageant costume designer in a state of sparkle euphoria.
I’m all for saving the environment but I have to draw the line at recycling superheroes. The only way Michael Keaton should be “Batman” is in a parody commercial for Louisville sluggers. #SuperBowl2023
Alicia Silverstone has been bathing in formaldehyde for the past 20 years-either that or I am the clueless one.
Thankfully the resurgence of fascism in the US has made the final Indiana Jones movie much more believable and relatable. #HistoryRepeats
How ironic is it that the last “Fast and Furious” movie features more planes and helicopters than cars? If I was a car I would be furious too. #SuperBowlCommercials
When people handle the Vince Lombardi trophy with gloves on I go full CSI thinking “who killed somebody with this thing?”
Dear Olympic commentators, when covering events like foil fencing, Taekwondo, and rugby your ONLY job is to explain the rules. We only watch this stuff once every four years. #NBCOlympics
When you win your seventh super bowl do you pierce your forehead with one of the rings? Your hoof? Bling is a thing yo! Stay tuned.
When life gives you lemons, the LAST thing you do is put them in Bud Light! Unless you have a severe allergic reaction to lemons or have functioning taste buds.
Nick Jonas is a diabetic? Well then let me be the first to say I’m sorry for the homemade licorice and gummy bear necklace I threw onstage during your “Happiness Begins” tour in 2019. My happiness and your happiness are different. I get that now.
Webster defines a “Bud Light legend” as a person who “adds a substantive grain bill and plenty of hops to a Pilsner to make it become the fulfillment of beers—the IPA.”
2D Matthew McConaughey is basically endorsing a new secret ingredient for his Dallas Buyers Club diet. Fish, wine, and DORITOS.
Wait? Are you telling me muppets don’t need to mask during the pandemic? I know they don’t exhale, but isn’t their whole purpose to be role models? Masked puppets prevent COVID!
Predicting the super bowl winner is easy. Simply determine the relative strengths and weaknesses of the offense and defenses of both teams for each individual player and coach in a moment by moment basis. So obvious. #SuperBowlSunday
Did I just see a Trump campaign ad endorsing him as the candidate of criminal justice reform? Preparing for Jane Fonda to endorse Krispy Kreme donuts in this bizarro world I must have slipped into.
Jesus took 5 loaves & 2 fish and fed 5000, but ESPN’s miracle will be taking 25 seconds of Super Bowl highlights and turning them into hours of football analysis. #SuperBowlLIII
“Are you upset that both teams decided not to score touchdowns for this years Super Bowl?”
New Super Bowl Rule: If there are no touchdowns in a quarter, the team with more total yards of combined punts gets 7 points. #SuperBowl2019
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