who cares
@DianaG2772just 3 raccoons in a trench coat. https://t.co/RYa8eww2It
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@hollarbacktime
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Legit call from the school: Principal: I just wanted to touch base with you. Your daughter was baiting seagulls into the playground with gummy worms and actually caught one; Like in her arms. It did bite her—not hard, but I needed to inform you that we filed an incident report
I draw smiley faces on the dusty surfaces in my house so it looks like it’s an artistic choice to neglect my chores.
I don’t go to a potluck to eat. I go to a potluck to criticize other women’s potato salad.
Much like lasagna, I’m just held together by cheese at this point
Honestly the biggest problem with some people is that they’re breathing
The man working at Tim Hortons with Tourette’s yelled “peace out fuckers,” when my daughter and I left after buying donuts last night. Probably the highlight of my week.
“I tried to call you.” Yeah. I know. I watched it ring… And then go to voicemail.
It’s almost scream at Christmas lights for not working season.
Bought some coffee on Amazon that had great reviews. All I can conclude is these people are liars and this coffee tastes like it was gargled and spit back into my mug.
Don’t forget to check your kids candy. (For treats you want.)
For the next 3 business days the cobwebs on my ceiling are considered “festive.”
When I see an aggressive rooster I want to catch it and show it who’s boss. I’ve never found a spot to put this on my resume but it belongs there.
My dog is acting like she’s being paid to fuck up my Halloween decorations.
I know when it’s morning because my dog opens my bedroom curtains
The only type of vehicle I can be impressed by is a food truck
i still think maybe we all died in 2016 and this is just purgatory.
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Who to follow
-
Tspot
@hollarbacktime -
Kung Fu Kanga
@_little_old_me -
Jo Bean💕
@jobrowneyes -
Bohemian Rhaptitties
@nonchalantnacho -
❤️🔥𝕊𝕚𝕟𝕕𝕖𝕣𝕖𝕝𝕝𝕒❤️🔥
@MyFadedRainbow -
Emmy Bacon 🇨🇦
@EmmyStar79 -
ᔕᗩᔕᔕY ᖇEᗪᕼEᗩᗪ
@SassyyyGinger -
Sophie2078
@Sophie2078 -
stina🖤
@tatsandkoolaid -
Cutie McFly
@cutiemcfly007 -
Natasha Something
@IfIwassomething -
LisMc
@LisMc5 -
Ginger Snapped ❤
@katy_fit -
Syrup Tishus
@Syrup_Tishus -
bones
@bonesher
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