@DasmrSutton Profile picture

Davis Sutton

@DasmrSutton

Tampa “Standup Comedian”

Joined January 2014
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Going to my high school reunion and writing Davis Sutton(Alcoholic) on my name tag


Davis Sutton Reposted

this extra sucks for the woman in the pic because due to the apple on her head no doctor will come close enough to help her

Shoot your shot.

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Lady at the grocery store in a Kamala Harris shirt asked me not to fart on her and her children. This is the supposed “tolerant left”


If women can’t compete with men how were Katie Bell and Angelina Johnson able to start on a star studded Gryffindor quidditch team?

Nothing about this feels good, because John Oliver generously gave his time for my charity Lumos and I liked him very much when I met him, but God knows, if you ever need an example of motivated reasoning and confirmation bias, this video's for you. An undoubtedly intelligent…



Davis Sutton Reposted

[making small talk with pregnant woman] Thats crazy, I actually know a guy who was a baby about 30 years ago


Davis Sutton Reposted

Jake Paul will have to watch Mike Tyson closely. He will be trying to punch him


Davis Sutton Reposted

Jake Paul should fight Joe Biden next


Davis Sutton Reposted

if you voted for kamala you literally cost jill stein the election


Davis Sutton Reposted

Last night, my 9 year old daughter turned to me, tears streaming down her face, and said “Kurt?” (She calls me by my first name to dismantle patrio-masculine norms.) “Was it a mistake to have my penis removed, now that women officially have no more rights?


Davis Sutton Reposted

Anthony Edwards when he finds out Trump is banning abortions

From PFI

Davis Sutton Reposted

bro somebody PLEASE tell me how to read this, who tf is winning

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Davis Sutton Reposted

(squeezing out a gusher over my glass of water like it’s a lemon) wait sorry how did she die


Davis Sutton Reposted

(trying to make small talk) notice any patterns lately


Can’t wait to go out with this girl who’s unusual skill is *eating*

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Davis Sutton Reposted

It should be illegal to smoke crack this early in the day


Has anyone thought about making a running club but instead of running everyone reads books?


Good thing they circled the punter. I would’ve had no idea who I’m supposed to be watching in this play

Imagine school the next day after this 😮‍💨



Not starting a quarterback the rest of the season so I have a good excuse to relapse

As a fantasy football punishment my friend has to stay at a bar that opens at 6 AM and doesn’t close until 2 AM For every drink he has during his stay, 30 minutes gets taken off the total time he can leave. Stay tuned for live updates throughout the day



I agree. Very impressive of Quinn to remain calm rather than beating this boy to a pulp for his nasty hand motion

Good example of Quinn Ewers’ calm demeanor in all situations… This Michigan fan asks Quinn to take a picture with his son. Obviously he pre-planned for his kid to throw the Horns Down (you can see the dad motion it to his kid) - Quinn says something but doesn’t make a big deal…



Seaworld is making the park Halloween themed in October. They won’t have any haunted house they just scare people by showing them how they torture the whales


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