The morning's news-post brings an account of "hook-up culture." Please advise how this differs from Fleet Week.
(I refer to the mere fact that none of you can hope to reach my centenarian potency without the mysteries of extinct fauna.)
It is a sad fact, lost to history, that the most effective aphrodisiac is dodo eggs sauteed in passenger pigeon blood.
It is a truth universally acknowledged that Jane Austen was a tiger in the sack. My granduncle Eunestus rogered her mightily.
I know with certainty Thomas Dewey's moustache contained a clandestine Kraut signaling station for U-boats. The evidence dies with me.
Ha! Spaniards lack conviction. Perhaps a Portuguese can kill me and keep me dead. (That's meant as an insult, you dense Spaniards.)
Attention kidney stone currently assaulting me: I will make you beg for the mercy I didn't show to Chester Arthur's prize fighting bear.
MY LIQUID POWER BREAK-FAST: 6 oz bismuth subsalycilate, a jigger of milk of magnesia, drowned in a tumbler of brown gravy. Salt to taste.
It's obvious ALMIGHTY PROVIDENCE has sent a deluge to punish Vermont for the seditious wickedness of one Ethan Allen.
Why forsake me now, "urinary continence?" You are a fickle bitch, bladder -- lying and deceitful, like a Peruvian or milliner's apprentice!
Now the Washington government has given contra-conceptives to ladies GRATIS?? First they outlaw bear-baiting, now this?
This inferno evokes the god-damned Summer of 1886. Heat led President Cleveland himself to shave off the left, sunward half of his mustache.
Rapid City chosen over Emporia for most patriotic city http://ow.ly/5LmsN
We Richmond Synod Lutherans don't hold with klezmer music. The clarinet is Satan's sex straw!
Watching teledocutorium called "Hoarders." In my day, we would have held these men up as Mogul Emperors!
John Edwards: another leader of men brought low by a virago. Have we so soon forgotten the story of Quintell A. Thrombaugh?
When the days become warm, as they have, I invariably face a return of my old nemesis, diphtheria. Accursed corynebacteria!
Have been told Italians will courier-deliver meat pies to one's home on demand. Is my informant accurate? What of children's safety?!
Attention dietetics partisans: The so-called açai fruit is no more than a craftily restyled Dwarf Portugese Eggplant.
My prostate was removed in a radiological experiment by Wilhelm Roentgen. #areasonwhyimsingle
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