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My husband has started whispering "Time for tubby custard" just before he orgasms. I don't know how much longer I can stay with him.
I once dated a girl with slightly prominent front teeth. Making plans to hook up one night I texted her 'see you later honey'. Predictive text changed it to 'see you later goofy'. Pressed send before realising. Never heard from her again.
I once tried to flick away a large fly which was on a strangers shoulder whilst at the beach. Turns out it was a mole and the guy just stared at me.
When I go on a date with a woman and she turns out to be a bellend, I'll still offer to pay for dinner but use the spare card I know will get declined. A bigot bought me my last curry.
If you could he half human and half animal, what animal would you be? (Bottom half) #GeorgeGetWellSoonYouStud
this is my emotional support wall
This is Weller. He picked this flower for you. He also may have eaten a few of them. Not this one though. This one was special. 12/10 we are honored Weller
Removing yourself from anywhere you don’t feel loved, appreciated and respected is top tier self-care.
Sometimes I wonder why people don’t give a shit about my art 🙂...not even a retweet🥺😔🙏
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