@treatyoself_tom Profile picture

Tom Haverford

@treatyoself_tom

if you are not an egg, I will follow back

I need to stop referring to basketball players as Khloe Kardashian’s husband and his friends.


When I bet on horses, I never lose. Why? Because I bet on all the horses.


don't eat the calzones


signing out for the night. Good-pie everyone #punny


"There's been a mistake. You've accidentally given me food that my food eats." http://t.co/2WZnOGva5o

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Bout to score me some fri-fri chicky-chick from @kfc


Anyone want any left over zerts from the party last night?


sometimes you gotta work a little, so you can ball a lot #softtweet


a little fact about me is everywhere I go, I’m walking on red carpet.


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