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uh .. i’m gonna fill my guts up with lager and vaping today
Almost immediately after sex, if she was on top, my ex would shout "slime trail!" and rub her vag up my belly like it was some sort of cum filled slug. I saw the funny side but it was incredibly unattractive.
Once stole 3 pigs from the farm next to halls at Uni, painted numbers 1, 2, and 4 on them before letting them roam the campus, the hunt for pig 3 went on for hours for those looking for it
never a handball
Haverfordwest just been robbed in Conference qualifier , how’s that a pen🥴
The winning moment on a magical night 💫 @HaverfordwestFC | #UECL
year since this gem @sion_pridmore16
I paid £25 for a shitty lap dance in an Aberdeen strip joint. When I say shitty what I mean is the stripper left a skid mark on my chinos.
People think I'm scared of going to hospital because of a tragic experience in my past involving a deceased family member. In reality, I was traumatised by an episode of Doctor Who in which a hospital is transported to the moon and an old lady sucks people's blood through a straw
NYC doesnt actually exist yo i refuse to believe it😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
Injury causing tackles. Referees and VAR kept quiet on both occasions. @premierleague, @FA
Me and the mrs had a ham and mushroom pizza for tea. Later that night we had anal sex and when washing my knob afterwards I found a massive slice of shitty mushroom under my foreskin. I've never eaten another mushroom since.
Came home early from a night out as I had the shits, only to walk in on my mum eating my dad's arsehole. He was hanging off the sofa, legs aloft. Next day my mum tried to brush it off, saying she was looking for a splinter he had from the dinning room chair. Can't wash my brain.
Tommy Fury could not have wanted that deal any less 😂
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