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@musings_idiot
It’s been 6 months since my mom died and she hasn’t ouji boarded me once.
Oh your ex won’t stop calling you? I’m out here looking for a restraining order from SiriusXM.
A woman just told me I am going to be an old mom. So I introduced her to my old fist.
Thought I was going into labour yesterday but it was a false alarm. Just like when Doug Ford promised a buck a beer in Ontario.. that too.. was a false alarm.
So the good news is… I’m feeling up for doing stand up comedy again, after the loss of my mom 6 months ago. The bad news is… I’m too pregnant to stand up… or sit down.
For someone whose about to become a mom … I have way too many dad jokes.
I’m at a point in my pregnancy where everything you say and don’t say is pissing me off. So please just leave and don’t leave me alone…. Thanks.
My mom had cancer three times and let me tell you, the third time was not a charm.
The most surprising thing of this entire pregnancy, is that despite my earnest soliciting and total consent, no one wants to touch my tummy.
There is nothing more brave then going out there and telling people what you can and can’t believe about butter.
America is the land of opportunity…including eating house pets and killing babies and sometimes letting them live.
If you could read my mind love, what a horror my thoughts would tell.
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Who to follow
-
Corhar
@Corhar4 -
Orlando
@OrlandoPcomedy -
Greyson Clemens
@GClemensComedy -
Danisnotamusing
@achristianbail -
Jatin Chhugani
@JatinChhugani -
Mike Vabner
@MichaelVabner -
gabeybabyyyy
@GabrielYassky -
Ralph Anthony
@RalphTheMouth81 -
🦃 LL Cool Turkey 🦃
@LLcoooltweet -
Will Schreiner
@Beeshrine -
WJ Reid
@WJReid3 -
middle manager of the revolution
@grouchoremarx1 -
trash jones
@jzux -
Kevin Heisinger
@kevin_heisinger -
Musings of an Intelligent Idiot
@musings_idiot
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