pTaylordactyl 🦖🍂
@tayloroteyveerStay at Home Astronaut • Professional Vocal Projector • Dedicated Halloween Participant • Ensemble Member Extraordinaire • they/them
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Me 2 weeks ago: You have a test in 2 weeks Me last week: You have a test next Thursday Me Tuesday: You have a test on Thursday Me yesterday: You have a test tomorrow Me today: Clear your desk for the test Students: A tEST?!?!
The number of people who go bankrupt every year because of medical bills. Norway - 0 UK - 0 France - 0 Spain - 0 Portugal - 0 Denmark - 0 Australia - 0 Iceland - 0 Italy - 0 Finland - 0 Ireland - 0 Germany - 0 Netherlands - 0 Sweden - 0 Japan - 0 Canada - 0 United States - 643k
They had to surgically remove a tampon after the r*pe. This is not enough; he needs to be locked up
Nikita Hand is now speaking outside court after winning her r*pe case against Conor McGregor Conor McGregor will have to pay her $258,646 in damages 🎥 @Healyhack
as we enter into the holiday season, remember these non-denominational reactions
walked into a tile store on our way to the museum and omg
open the shiz university
Think Trump’s tariffs won’t affect you? Expect price hikes on: •Iced tea imported from England •Lifeguards imported from Spain •Towels imported from Turkey •And turkey imported from Maine
(hearing the washer play a little song for the first time after the cycle is finished) patronising attempt to endear a machine to me. shan't work due to my giant brain (hearing it for the 100th time) that's my special little guy 🙂
Having a crush is ridiculous. This girl left a paperclip in my room and I’ve kept it on my vanity since because even though it’s just a paperclip it reminds me of her and I like her
I just hope any man who ever thought he was a big deal because I was temporarily obsessed with him also knows I love eating at Arby's, so my enthusiasm for something isn't necessarily an indicator of quality
find a friend who'll be ready to catch you in case you're bisexual gargoyle shenanigans go awry
My life's philosophy distilled into a single quote
i saw someone a few weeks ago say “if brain eating bacteria got into your head it would starve” and i’ve been saying it to people since. just incredible. a really great insult
women in PHLEGM (poetry, history, language, english literature, ghost stories, music)
praising jesus because a rapist was elected is why i don’t go to church anymore
sleepy joe you’ve got two months. go crazy. eliminate all student debt. legalize marijuana. make tampons and condoms free. ban cybertrucks. shit in the oval office’s air vent. kidnap barron. the world is your oyster buddy
close enough welcome back once upon a time!
First look at Agatha, Lilia and Billy as The Wicked Witch, Glinda and Maleficent in tonight’s episode of ‘AGATHA ALL ALONG’ Read our review: bit.ly/AgathaDF
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