tapeworm
@tapewormtommyAvid outdoorsman, hiker, marathoner.....just kidding, that all sounds awful
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@Mystical441
You don’t have a staffing problem. You have a management problem.
“hey you’re bringing your briefcase today for your nationally televised impeachment hearing right?” “no no i’ll be fine with this.”
Wife: your son just described his dinner as “good shit” Me: is it good shit? Wife: yeah but I think you’re missing the point.
Christopher Columbus crew members after his dumbass sailed to the wrong country again
The couple in front of me at Taco Bell paid for 6 tacos in change. I heard him say “that was all we had, we will have to figure out how to eat tomorrow” I bought 6 extra tacos, walked over to them and gave them my only cash and the food The look I got was worth every penny
[husband and I start sexy time] Me: Kids asleep? *Looking at door* It’s ajar. Husband: *without skipping a beat* That’s a door. Me: Ya, we’re done here.
I explained and she said ok that’s weird but quite sweet. I said thanks, yes it is a bit weird and oh god I ASKED HER OUT FOR A DRINK. Incredibly, she said yes. Two years later she said yes again when I asked her to marry me because that is how I met my wife. [END]
Me: (reads out loud an Instagram post about a husbands kissing his wife in a store) Why don't you do that? Husband: I did once, and you got upset. Me: Are you talking about the time I was 8 months pregnant, and you lifted up my skirt in Lowe's with a crowbar? Husband: Yes.
Bonus Game: Don’t get caught up believing somebody has it Easier... THAT will just MindFuck you outta the game.... Just keep Hustlin
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Who to follow
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🔥💞🐱 ʂɢཞ₭ȶռ⁴²°🐱💞🔥
@sugarkitten420 -
Mildred just a hoe with a beard
@Russ_Gillette -
Steve.. Functioning Dysfunction
@bigdills88 -
ohmygoshjosh🔥
@diss_guy_ -
boo-boo-ɾɑҍҍíԵ
@StrangerTings5 -
Dad of ⓣoo Many
@scottcoolidge1 -
Lushtforlife
@JessIsAMess1914 -
Dawne Richards
@dawnerichards -
That Mom Tho
@mom_tho -
Red Riding Hood
@RiderofWolves -
🌊𝕃𝕒𝕕𝕪 𝕃𝕒𝕜𝕖🌊
@ladylake_19 -
Ditto💙Vodka and Chains
@WhoopsDitto -
Mystical441
@Mystical441
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