@sternzie3026 Profile picture

Squidward Tortellini

@sternzie3026

Left handed. If it looks stupid but it works, then it’s not stupid. Parody

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Squidward Tortellini Reposted

What’s the point in even living if I can’t have sex with Whoopi Goldberg

Whoopi Goldberg threatens to join liberal women going on sex strike, after Trumps win. “If we don’t let you, you don’t get any. It’s that simple.”



Squidward Tortellini Reposted

Literally why Tyler made the song Noid Paparazzis are a cancer


Squidward Tortellini Reposted

When Jake Paul is 45 years old, he will be knocked out by 29 year old Big Justice. His father AJ reminded him to “bring the boom” just before the 8th round.


Squidward Tortellini Reposted

how am I supposed to read this sentence & not immediately kill myself

Hawk Tuah girl launches AI-powered dating app named after her boyfriend

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Squidward Tortellini Reposted

god himself was in that studio

12 years ago, Zedd & Foxes released 'Clarity'



Squidward Tortellini Reposted

my only question is. WHAT DO YOU EXPECT TO CLEAN WITH WATER & VINEGAR THAT WON’T BE SANITIZED BY A 400 DEGREE OVEN???

she's the last person i'd expect to not wash her chicken omg😭-



Squidward Tortellini Reposted

how is that like earth at all then

NASA has discovered a nearby Earth-like exoplanet using the James Webb Telescope, but it rains lava at night

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Squidward Tortellini Reposted

Squidward Tortellini Reposted

me at thanksgiving dinner asking my mom if the green beans contain any seed oils

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Squidward Tortellini Reposted

i starting eating a high protein diet like this and my body instantly slimmed down and my bloating/discomfort after eating completely went away.

90% of diseases would vanish if everyone started eating this way…

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Squidward Tortellini Reposted

Ngga cut me off n traffic. I pullup on side of bra @ da light. Dis nigga listenin to all eyez on me hotboxing a cig, fishbowl. U got it tonight patna…u got it.


Squidward Tortellini Reposted

The diddy bowl

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Squidward Tortellini Reposted

every time i say oh brother i’m saying it like the guy off spongebob. iykyk


Squidward Tortellini Reposted

If I were the husband and you confessed this lengthy peanut butter ploy to me at the right time, it would be the funniest moment of my entire life

Wife makes him a PB & J sandwich every day for work but sometimes says she made it with hate 🥺

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Squidward Tortellini Reposted

Wife makes him a PB & J sandwich every day for work but sometimes says she made it with hate 🥺

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Squidward Tortellini Reposted

Keep burning them like this


Squidward Tortellini Reposted

New gay little monkey just dropped

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Squidward Tortellini Reposted

Guy just walked into the coffee shop wearing a cowboy hat and it’s obvious he’s not fully confident in it. Tough to see


Squidward Tortellini Reposted

i don’t think i’m good at hinge

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Squidward Tortellini Reposted

watching 21 hours of football per weekend must be #16


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