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You know insomnia cookies used to match my 401k and I never even worked there
You think you’re filling out the United States Census but you’re really just generating the results for Family Feud
“I don’t do umbrellas, I don’t do scarves, I don’t do gloves, I’m old school” ❤️ -a gentleman on the bus
Just had a long conversation with my parents and they’ve decided to give my brother the family Netflix account upon their passing.
Switching from my pajama pants into my sweatpants makes no sense but I will continue to make this decision because I have free will
There needs to be a live movie adaptation of the game Tetris
I would just like to point out that there’s literally no difference between “your” and “you’re”
as a loyal fan of Villanova, if I get 100 retweets I will wear this to class until Villanova wins a national championship
So if you’re famous, and you’re not at the Oscars, do you get fomo
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