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Boy Kaiser really picked the wrong week to delay my Vyvanse refill.
the kind of high where the arctic monkeys are the greatest band to ever exist
I have zero comprehension for Leonardo DiCaprio dating age preference until somebody tries to trade me Derek Henry in a Dynasty Fantasy Football league.
Southern Californians to Florida residents after seeing the news about Hurricane ldalia
kaiser canceled my health insurance without notice because I forgot to update my auto-renewal card I only noticed because I went to investigate why Kaiser refunded me $300 of the payment I made last week. Spotify evens sends like 12 emails to let me know if something is up
Day 2 of @KaleChipping being out of town: I took mushrooms and immediately locked myself out of my apartment at 10pm with our dog inside. At this pace I’m somehow gonna be fighting on the eastern front in Ukraine by Friday.
Me after telling Alexa to turn off the lights for 4th time: “Stupid Bi..” @KaleChipping: “No stop, the way you treat Alexa is the way you treat women”
Me: “I think he (my old boss) is gonna be at the coffee tasting tomorrow” @KaleChipping: “ooooh make sure to wear your sluttiest outfit!”
green coffee buying is so odd you taste 30 coffees in 45 minutes that are the cumulative work of so many people across so many countries and 98% of the coffees you’re just like “nah”
Your local neighborhood “Audio and Visual Pastor” watching Coachella’s lighting setup this year.
Me: “What are your top 3 emo songs?” @KaleChipping: “Clocks, Yellow and Paradise” Me: “Clocks?” @KaleChipping: “Clocks by Coldplay, Yellow by Coldplay and Paradise by Coldplay”
Me rolling up to the chain reaction tonight to see my favorite hardcore band with a fresh pack of American Spirts
damn it guys I did the thing where you say something in therapy that makes your therapist nod gently and scribble notes down today.
“Your driver is approaching with your order”
Didn’t think these edibles were hitting until I asked my dog where his wallet was instead of his leash
perhaps getting a seafood boil delivered from postmates last night was a mistake
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