@philbert_phart Profile picture

Philbert Wallace

@philbert_phart

philbert, father of 9

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Someone on my flight is watching videos out loud at full volume…….


Is the male equivalent to abortion a good ole fashioned waffle stomp? Can I say that like is that chill for me to say?


Farted so hard my underwear fell down around my ankles


Wanted to be Roger Federer when I grew up and now I’m just a fat retard


Alright sleepy joe, post hog now


A cave is just Earth pussy


Filled to the brim with chicken wings right now. I have bubble gut BAD. Hopefully I can fart/poop and make it feel better. Have a good night everyone


On my flight home! Going to tamper with the bathroom smoke detectors…


Heading down to Everbank Stadium!!! Go Gators!! 🐊

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Both Trump and Kamala have texted me for money reasons today. Was skeptical at first but pretty sure it’s legit. Gave them both $5


I think about Surf’s Up everyday


Instead of voter ID we should make girls show their boobs and boys show their weiner


This year’s Victoria’s Secret show was absolutely horrendous. Go watch the 2012 show and you’ll understand. Sad to see this collapse.


Carved some pumpkins with my dear friends tonight to get in the holiday mood. Sound off in the comments!

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Going into the eye of the hurricane and jerking off


Rape and murder. Cock and ball torture. Drowning myself on purpose.

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I’m feeling really romantic about baseball


Please can you Hawk Tuah me it’s National Boyfriend Day 😢


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