@oliverwriiight Profile picture

Oliver Wright

@oliverwriiight

Humour merchant

Joined March 2020
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The British Dental Association has said children needing tooth extractions are having to wait up to a year for an operation. It has pleaded with the Chancellor to extend the furlough scheme for the badly hit community of Tooth Fairies. thetimes.co.uk/article/corona…


A Porsche owner sat in the road to stop his vintage car being towed over unpaid parking fines. He said it was 'un-English' of the council workers to threaten to take away his German sports car. dailymail.co.uk/news/article-8…


My winning line: The Mars landing was faked

$25 Comedywire Contest - Future Conspiracy Theories When Millennials Become Senior Citizens comedywire.com/community/feed…



Scientists have recommended eating jellyfish instead of fish and chips to save endangered sea animals. Jellyfish is traditionally served with salt, vinegar, and a small bottle of piss. uk.news.yahoo.com/jellyfish-and-…


Dozens of Tory MPs are set to refuse unconscious bias training intended to tackle racism in the Commons calling it a waste of time. It's unclear if their decision to refuse the training was conscious or unconscious. thetimes.co.uk/article/dozens…


A report by the government has revealed that all England's rivers fail pollution tests. Toxic on the service, waste-filled, and littered with wet wipes, the government has little hope in resolving the situation. independent.co.uk/environment/en…


Visitors littering Thailand's national parks are having their disguarded rubbish posted back to them.  Next time I visit, I must remember to give them my new address: 10 Downing Street.


A Tory mayoral candidate wants to raise money for TfL by allowing businesses to sponsor tube stations. Thinking about brands with a prescence near me, I'm looking forward to train journeys from Poundland to Peacocks via Perfect Fried Chicken telegraph.co.uk/news/2020/09/1…


A donkey sculpture displayed in a Democrat's front garden has burned down in what is thought to be a politically-motivated arson attack. The politician was distraught, but no-one can take away the fact that for 30 minutes he had the hottest ass in town. dailymail.co.uk/news/article-8…


Banks and governments have come under scrutiny for allowing criminals to transfer trillions of dollars of suspicious funds. It's become increasingly easy for fraudsters to launder money since notes went plastic. buzzfeednews.com/article/jasonl…


Sales of electric and hybrid cars have overtaken diesel cars for the first time ever. The next step is for an electrical car to overtake a diesel on an actual road.


Gibralter has become a hotspot for weddings because if its minimal bureacracy and low rates of coronavirus. Not to mention it's bloody big altar. nytimes.com/2020/09/15/tra…


The NHS has been receiving up to a million requests for coronavirus tests per day. It is believed only half of those are made by journalists checking if the system works.


Donald Trump has received another allegation of sexual assault. He remains President but has been cancelled from any future film appearances. theguardian.com/us-news/2020/s…


Brewdog has lost a legal battle with Elvis Presley's estate over the beer it's called Elvis Juice. Personally, I didn't enjoy Elvis Juice when I tasted it, but maybe that's because it was All Shook Up.


Dorset reptile conservationists reintroduced sand lizards after forest fires this summer. This was a shock to Dorset's other residents who now realise there are potentially wild lizards in their gardens... or under their floorboards... or on their face! bbc.co.uk/news/uk-englan…


Shetland gaining independence from Scotland would be a nightmare for me. It would be so much harder to add to my little pony collection scotsman.com/news/politics/…


My winning line: As the father of the bride and groom...

$25 Comedywire Contest - Worst Lines to Open a Speech comedywire.com/community/feed…



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