ash ⭐️
@notlaudnai guess i kind of hate most things, but i never really seem to hate you. so i want to spend the rest of my life with you. is that cool?
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ela tuitou essa pra rio
agatha fucking fucking agatha harkness harkness
CAITLYN IS THE ONE TELLING VI THIS IS OKAY, IT’S OKAY TO BE ATTRACTED TO SOMEONE😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
maybe i wasn't. i was honest from the get go. and i knew what i was getting myself into. maybe i should've known better. maybe i should've prepared for this. it's my fault, really.
worst part is i REALLY believe i would not be in this much pain have they come up to me and said 'hey, i can't do this anymore' and just left. you know? why was it so hard to just say 'bye', or 'beat it'? it makes me feel like i wasn't deserving of one bit of consideration
my mistakes, their decisions, who and where i am right now... all the fucking hurt and the loneliness. it's too much. so much so i keep going into these little trances here where i just... stop moving and thinking and feeling and i know where this is going and i need to stop it
and then i'm sick which makes me even more sensitive to my feelings (i'm a big baby when i'm sick) and yesterday i was going thru an old blog and there were all these love declarations and 'forever' being thrown around and me thinking about my mistakes and shit
idk i think because of what my sister did last week... it really really hurt me deeply, i even cried in front of my mom because of it, something i NEVER do, i think it just kept festering and then i started thinking about someone else and how they hurt me...
i was never one to expect anything in return for what i do. i couldn't care less if i kept being treated like shit even tho i was always helping fulana & sicrana, why do i care now, why does it hurt? what's changed?
this is making me wish i could numb myself like i did in my 20s and i DO NOT want to go down that path again.
you know. if i had a wish, i'd wish for me to not care about the why people do what they do to me. that's it. never again care about why, just accept they did what they did and move on.
MARAVILHOSAAAAAAAAAA
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