Mommy Uncorked
@mommyuncorkJust a #mom who loves #wine and people who talk about how f*ing hard #momlife is. (Checkout my vlog below.)
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Tonight at dinner our son said he was done eating, got up from the table, wandered around and then came back and told us he’s sad and doesn’t know what he’s sad about. - Me too buddy, me too. 😢 #coronavirus #momlife
After 35, there’s no way to get out of a pool float with your dignity intact.
Realizing I could still refer to someone as my best friend and almost never talk to them is what separates my 20s from my 30s.
Nothing says #boymomlife like your 6yo pulling a wart pad off the bottom of his foot and then touching your mouth with the same hand. 🤢
Look, I don’t care what kind of looks you give me, I’m not going to stop wearing my mask in public. I’m vaccinated, but I don’t trust y’all.
I’ll be wandering round my house muttering ‘there’s just so much shit everywhere’. In case you need me.
Our son was losing monopoly, getting really mad, insisting “it’s not fair!” To which I replied, “I understand it’s not what you expected and that’s frustrating, but it doesn’t mean it’s not fair.” And honestly, in that moment, I felt like I could have been talking to Trump.
My husband wrote his name on my to-do list and he should know nothing on that list ever gets done.
Husbands: Did you find that thing I spent exactly 3 seconds looking everywhere for?
When your mom is coming over for the first time since covid, and you ask her not to judge the messiness of your house, and she says “ok,” you know damn well she’s gonna judge the shit out of you.
This is SO our life right now. 🤦🏼♀️
5yo: "I want a snack!" Me: "You need to ask nicely." 5yo: "I NEED A SNACK NOW PLEASE!”
I have a very serious question. Why have we not started drinking tequila before now???
I would die for my husband, but I swear he is one loud sneeze away from living in a tent in the backyard for the rest of this quarantine.
Truth. #metime
Since I’ve been with my kids 24/7 for 2 months straight my covid mother’s day gift from my kids this year better include me not actually spending any time with them.
Taking this quarantine as an opportunity to teach my kid to be grateful and not complain about everything I do. Tonight, as I’m serving snacks for dinner: 5yo: This straw doesn’t go with this cup. Me: Today it does. 5yo: You mean “tonight.” ...Where are those pretzels?! 🤦🏼♀️🙄🥃
I shouldn’t have eaten that ~ A Memoir
Just loudly cheered for my Roomba for getting out of a tricky situation. We’re fine. This is fine.
Please help me settle a marital debate. If someone told you that “you’re cute like a puppy,” would you...
Having a spouse who understands and supports you when you say “I’m gonna lock myself in the car for 20 minutes and please don’t let the kids know where I am!” is important.
Them: take this one day at a time Me: you say that like we have a choice
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