amy ✨
@laskan_witch29. she/her. satire account. Je déteste ça ici ✨♉️♉️♌️✨
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Don’t confuse my unwillingness to interact with you as a sign of having beef, chances are your spirit snitched on you and my intuition caught on.
in a relationship you either work the front of house (lock the door at night) or the back of house (ask if the door is locked while you’re already tucked under the covers in bed)
It should be illegal for a man to get up and go to work when there’s a girl in his bed who wants to cuddle
Bre*d*ng as a concept? Amazing Mentions of bre*d*ng/getting pregnant during dirty talk? Outstanding Real life pregnancy? No. Horrifying. Never. Hard pass. Worst thing imaginable.
shotgunning a can of soup and crushing it against my forehead like a beer can
losing your arch during backshots cause they beating yo shit up so embarrassing 😭😭
mfs post their ugly ass partner and be like “this mine” bro thank god
never been disliked by anyone i’d want to trade places with, so there’s that
if you slapped my ass right now, it wouldn’t stop jiggling till 2:47am tomorrow
Truly can’t believe I have to go to work every day and pretend like The Law is real
it’s wild how someone can have a falling out with every single one of their close friends and not ever think that maybe they are the problem
“women in male-dominated fields” and it’s just a fire sign woman listening to the voices
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