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Wrote a thing. Maybe you’ll like it? mcsweeneys.net/articles/how-t…
I really just need the weather, Alexa, but thank you. "It's 73 degrees and sunny. Today, you can expect more of the same... ...would you like to hear about how the moon's waxing and waning effects the tides as you deeply contemplate our mortality?"
A hearty “La Cheeserie” to everyone at #summeroflittles today.
I can, with remarkable accuracy, predict how much I will like any town in America as an inverse to its inhabitants’ inclination to wear sandals.
As the parent of a toddler, my budget is roughly: 52% Nanny 48% Berries with an apparent shelf life of nine hours
What's the increase in conversational use of "one hundred percent" to mean "I agree" over the last year or so? It's got to be, what, one hundred percent? One hundred percent.
Am I somehow the only person who never realized that 'Twinkle Twinkle, Little Star,' 'Baa Baa, Black Sheep,' and 'The ABCs' are the exact same damn song?
Notable exception to my anti-parade stance: The Yarmouth Clam Festival.
A modest proposal: Each time some star-spangled doofus sets off a firework, we return 0.001325% of the country to the British.
assume the price negotiation process for wordle was like "ok, $1,200,973" 🟩⬛🟨🟨⬛🟨⬛
Dear Productivity Twitter, What is the best solution for a shared multiplatform household to-do list? ✅ Pick up milk - you ✅ Caulk bathroom - me ⏺ Rise above the crippling heft of existential dread to accomplish even the smallest thing - ?
Is there some chance that the biggest surprise in the COVID era is that QR codes are useful?
Moment of parental clarity: The itsy bitsy spider is Sisyphus.
Minority opinion, but I find it remarkable that “Friends” is better-regarded than “Mad About You.”
Having a child is magical. Practically overnight, I’ve been transformed from a depressive, unfeeling mass of anxiety into someone who is also sleep-deprived.
The best thing about shopping for easily-cleanable rugs is the accompanying photo of a washing machine vomiting.
Tremendously proud to announce that my new album, “Terrifying Sounds Newborns Make Whilst Sleeping,” hits stores next week. Here’s the track list: 1. “Fat Man Eating Butterscotch” 2. “Humpback Whales Mating” 3. “A Muppet Vomiting” ...
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