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My favorite song is always the song that is currently playing...when I'm drunk
Dude I didn't make out with a fat chick! She was pregnant, there's a difference.
A cop can immediately tell if you're drunk by looking into your eyes. That's why I drive with my eyes closed.
Say what you wanted to say, and mean what you want it to mean.
Had to make a poop really bad but was stuck in a meeting. When I finally was able to go to the bathroom I got #poo.shy
I just spoke into my Android and this crazy app AutoRap transformed my speech into a sick rap beat: khu.sh/autorap_504bfe…
I wish I could win a VMA so Kanye can ruin it for me...Oops did I say Kanye I meant a gay fish
is just sittin here...tryin to get tom cruise out the closet...but he aint listenin
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