Good Plant Jokes
@goodplantjokesplant a follow if you like us, if not leaf us alone 🌵🌿🌲🌹☘️🌳🍃🌻🌴🍂🌷🌱🥀🌾🎋💐🎍
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me: wanna hear a joke? friend: no me: what kind of plants grow on your hands? friend: ... me: PALM trees :)) hahaha friend:
can’t wait till it gets colder so i can really start dressing 😈
[at lowes] me: y’all got any plants? employee: yes me: *over intercom* YALL GOT ANY PLANTS?! employee: sir i already told you, yes. me: 🅿🅻🅰🅽🆃🆂 employee: i hate my job
[mcdonald’s drive through] employee: welcome to mcdonald’s may i take your order? me: P̶̠͕̤̘̹̫͛́ͅͅL̵̟̖̖͚̰̋͠Ä̶̧̹́̎͊͗N̶͉̹̦̝͙̪͒̈́̋̅̃Ț̴̨̪́S̶̞̏̍̒͐̆̃͋̂ employee: what? me: *screaming* P̶̠͕̤̘̹̫͛́ͅͅL̵̟̖̖͚̰̋͠Ä̶̧̹́̎͊͗N̶͉̹̦̝͙̪͒̈́̋̅̃Ț̴̨̪́S̶̞̏̍̒͐̆̃͋̂!!!
bank account: empty house: filled with plants plants: watered feeling: sad af cause my gf left me
things that aren’t personality traits: • liking dogs • quoting vines • watching the office things that are personality traits: • being green • having roots • surviving off photosynthesis
[on a blind date] me: so, what’s your favorite plant? date: uhhh...you know when they say “blind date” they don’t mean that you have to wear a blind fold me: *knocking over glass* what
[at starbucks] me: can i have the tea barista: chai? me: no, the TEA barista: every ton of paper that gets recycled saves 20 trees, three cubic yards of landfill space, 7000 gallons of water and produces 73% less air pollution than making paper from new materials. me: nice
you, an idiot: you can’t survive off of photosynthesis if you’re a human me, an intellectual: *taking last breath* i know you are but what am i
[during sex] me: i want you to hurt me him: your jokes aren’t funny me: wait him: you spend all your time on twitter hoping people will like your jokes and they actually suck and you aren’t funny and i hope your plants die me: stop
me: did you know it’s #NationalTellAJokeDay stranger: no me: why does no one invite cacti to their parties? stranger: me: cause they’re PRICKS! haha stranger: *holding a cactus* fuck off
person: sorry i don’t want to date you you’re weird and are too obsessed with plants me:
me: plants: yeah you say you like us but you never eat us. we see that crap you put in your body. you had an entire box of pizza for dinner last night. you call that healthy living? huh? me, crying: i — plants: shut the fuck up you disgust me
there are 4 things guaranteed in life: 1. birth 2. taxes 3. me crying in the home depot plants section every week 4. death
all this abundance for $11, don’t ever come at me with “eating healthy is too expensive”
person: hi me: i just think it’s funny how we are literally plants except we aren’t green and we have complex emotions and thoughts and we can walk and — person: i’m gonna walk away now
hi, incase you were wondering i: 🍀☘️🍃🌿🌹🌲🍁🎍🌼🌾 🌷 use humor to 🍂 🌻 unhealthily repress 💐 🌸 my emotions 🌱 🌵🎄🎍🥀🌹🍂🌿☘️🎍🌻
things i own: plants 🌱🌵🌳🌼 things i don’t own: your heart 💔😔
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