pete ‘nickname’ johansson
@escariusif you take my sarcasm seriously, I’ll deny it was sarcasm and double down. worldwide #comedian currently at Uni in Canada #cogsci #AI #psy #uoft #student
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Imagine if I just pinned this stupid tweet right here?
I bet the last thing the #SupremeCourt court does this season is pin America down and slowly let a huge loogie drip into its face.
I get so moved by stories of heroism and sacrifice. My wife says it’s cause I’m fat.
I hearted your message. Then you hearted my heart, which I liked. Then you liked my like, so I thumbs up’d your like. And then you just fucking ghost my thumbs!? What is your problem? #meaningfulrelattionships
Are you looking for something to do on my birthday (Nov 6th) in Montreal? Well, you’re welcome. The very funny @thelucygervais is taping a special at The Diving Bell. Tix and info in quoted tweet:)
🥐 Hey, French Canada, Are you free November 6th? 🍟 We are SO proud to present this debut album recording, LIVE in MTL, with the outrageous @thelucygervais #LinkInBio for tickets to the 8 and 10 PM show, held at The Diving Bell Social Club / Club Social Le Scaphandre.
Hi Canada! What's up?
Hey I just dropped my first album in 10 years today. I hope you like it. You can stream or buy it here: ) Apple Music music.apple.com/ca/album/passi… Spotify: open.spotify.com/album/4hicmbSe…
‘Personality’ is now just an attractive person who sticks their tongue out in a selfie.
“What is Dewar’s?” “Christ Son! Dewars is what you’re gonna smell on Gods breath when he lets you into heaven!” May you catch a whiff today. #RipTorn
On the rare event that I can’t muster an erection my wife likes to help out by humming the Mission Impossible theme. This always puzzles the Uber driver. ‘It’s not about you!’ I’ll say. And then the awkwardness will revive my dick. And she’ll climb back on. I have a 4 star rating
Honestly this should be required viewing for everyone in Toronto’s city planning dept as well as a major factor in who we vote into govt.
WATCH: This is quite possibly the most comprehensive interview I’ve ever done on urban transportation & mobility. Filmed in Vienna for an upcoming Paris-based documentary. Watch it, quote it, & please spread it around. youtube.com/watch?v=WgExzJ…
Dad used to tell us about when he was traded to Vancouver for Don Cherry way back. And when he showed up there was a huge party. He thought ‘Wow these guys are excited to have me!’ But it turned out they were celebrating cause they got rid of #doncherry Anyways I can’t skate.
I jump from my seat and run over to help someone struggling with a baby carriage trying to open a door and then see a dog is in it. This is everything that’s wrong with our world. Everything.
Phenomenal read:) Title was supposed to be “So the President F*cking Hates My Girlfriend (& 10 Other Things I Want You to Know Before the World Cup Semifinals)” but we ran out of space. My bad. Thanks for reading. GO @USWNT theplayerstribune.com/en-us/articles… via @playerstribune
I reviewed another cheap wine
On #July4th Trump is having a Military Weapons parade which basically promotes the corporate billionaires who make them. A true ‘Patriot’ would have a parade of Veterans being led to adequate shelter, healthcare & financial support to stop them from being homeless and forgotten.
Hey PETE! Ugh. Hey Justin. Happy Pride! You too. And, ..uhm could you get your shit together so we all don’t end up with a Conservative government this fall?
My 🧠 during #pride parade. *i need to hit the gym. *omg I’m out of shape *i might be old too *why can’t I tan? *i’m sweating soo much ‘Yay! Acceptance, Inclusivity & Love💕! *ugh, I have no fashion sense *i think I smell *look at how happy everyone is, let it go:)
‘Instagram music isn’t available in your region’ - my gravestone.
If life gives you clichés, then just make yourself clichéd.
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