deenicest
@denise_12dg“I myself am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions”
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I was reading all of my old tweets remembering how fucking funny I am. Imma start tweeting again because it would be irresponsible of me to keep this comedic gold to myself
The recording of Johnny Depp saying “BECAUSE YOURE A FUCKING CUUUNT!” to Amber Turd lives in my head rent free
I was just walking over to my son’s room in the dark. Tripped over his damn car seat and fucked my self up! 😭😭 lmao
Me: babe, when you were in 9th grade did you ever think you’d have a wife and a baby 10 years later? Him: no, I thought I’d be in the NFL
i genuinely think $10,000, a cough drop, and a beer would fix every problem i have right now.
Y’all don’t understand the excitement I get when I get an uninterrupted 4 hour stretch of sleep! My son has me up at 4am right now, but I’m in a good mood bc i got to sleep from 12-4 and feel like a million bucks
My mom was very disappointed when she came to SC to visit me and she learned that I wasn’t saving my left over bacon grease to cook with. And now I save all my bacon grease 😂😂😂
Guys, the world could literally be ending, and if my baby farted I would still laugh out loud. That’s it that’s the tweet
Adam Sandler is 100% my spirit animal
I love watching restock/refill/organization videos on tik tok, but for some reason it absolutely triggers me when they pour something into their fancy little containers and the product doesn’t even fill up the containers all the way, it’s just so unsatisfying lol
Adulting is scrolling thru TikTok and watching a video telling you that you should be deep cleaning your (insert home appliance/part of the house here) regularly, and you’re just like “well look at that, something new that I didn’t know I don’t have time for”
Me thinking I look like hailey bieber with my cute slicked low bun… my husband walks in and says “you look like you’re in the Air Force babe” 🥴 not the look i was going for 😭😂
Why are people so rude when it comes to cutting in the second line at McDonald’s 🤬
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