Dani Apple
@dapple79Storyteller/ukulele enthusiast/addicted to laughing/little Apple living in the Big Apple 🍎✨
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My mom: “When I come visit, we can go see shows on...what’s that thing called, that all the shows are on?” Me: “Broadway?” My mom: “Yeah, Broadway! Edward Hansen sounds like it would be good!”
Making Khloe the next Bachelorette instead of one of the finalists from this current season would make those girls feel the same way Ivy and Karen felt when they gave the role of Marilyn to Uma Thurman
My sister is in Vegas with my mom right now because that was her 21st birthday gift from my parents. For my 21st birthday, my parents sent me a fruit basket.
For work Friday night, I have to choose between serving at a Bar Mitzvah and leading a Shabbat dinner service at a Temple. As I’m sitting here contemplating this decision, I keep hearing Tevye’s “on the other hand...” in my head.
Attention NYC friends! Free cryotherapy sessions in all locations! All you have to do is walk outside! #ad
Omg does anyone remember the cup-stacking sport they made us do in 4th grade gym class? I miss it
Going to the bathroom in a one-piece swimsuit is super vulnerable because you’re literally naked. But going to the bathroom in a one-piece and getting walked in on is way worse, let me tell ya
My IMDB page says that I’m an Actress/Set Decorator because I decorate the sets for Spongebob. I’m cool with it if @NickolodeonTeam can send me those paychecks please and thank you!
My deepest prayers go out to the people in customer service who ask me how to spell my last name after I tell them that it’s Apple.
Try to imagine my horror when my grandma’s phone went off in the middle of the show we were seeing together. Now, try to reimagine my horror knowing that her ringtone is “All That Jazz” from Chicago.
Me: “Mom, our hotel is lit.” My mom: “Well why would they keep it dark?”
I saw Seth Rudetsky on the street in Times Square. We exchanged glances as if to say “why are tourists ruining the world” and then went our separate ways.
My trainer is a very fit man but he made his Bitmoji chubby to keep himself humble
That first day of rehearsal vibe when you have to pretend you don’t know anyone’s name but really you stalked everyone on Facebook last night. So it’s “what’s your name again?” when really you mean “Congrats on your cousin’s wedding! The dress was gorge!”
I catered a Bar Mitzvah last night and was mistaken for someone’s “friend’s cousin’s daughter.” #🔯
Me: “What songs do you want me to sing to you to sleep with?” The boy I nanny: “Well it’s tricky because I’m not sure if you know the songs I like” Me: “What songs do you like?” Him: “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star and Row Your Boat”
It’s unbelievable how many people on the streets of NYC are unable to tap into their soft focus
Guys I just sent a large payment to the wrong Venmo handle by accident so now a stranger has my money and also I payed student loans this morning and also happy Thursday y’all what a great day
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