Matthew Jacobsen @cbmatt8 Twitter Profile | Xstalk

Matthew Jacobsen

@cbmatt8

Has award winning jokes my mother hates. Not Caillou.

3KPosts 447Followers 378Following

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Matthew Jacobsen

20 Mar 2019

Disney’s Alien Vs Predator Disney’s 28 Days Later Disney’s The Kingsman Disney’s There’s Something About Mary Disney’s Die Hard Walt Disney Pictures Proudly presents: Borat Pick up these classics before they go back into the Disney Vault! (Probably forever)

Matthew Jacobsen

19 Mar 2019

Year 1 in Des Moines: It’s exciting being around so many people! Year 5: Today, someone yelled, “don’t turn your back on me you queer a** motherf*****!” at me, and another guy farmer blew out his nose at my shoe in the skywalk. #balance

Matthew Jacobsen

17 Mar 2019

I’d be a damn liar if I didn’t admit that @jonasbrothers song is catchy as hell.

Matthew Jacobsen

15 Mar 2019

Important

Tanner Hays

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13 Mar 2019

Everyone in the cattle industry is not dealing with this winter for you to put ketchup on your steak.

Matthew Jacobsen

14 Mar 2019

Des Moines’ potholes are so big the puddles inside them have currents.

Matthew Jacobsen

13 Mar 2019

I just found out that the various shades of Veggie Straws are different flavors, and now I think my tastebuds are color blind.

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Matthew Jacobsen

4 Mar 2019

This is the best SNL sketch since Tom Hanks was on Black Jeopardy. youtu.be/rImxuuD_kwM

Matthew Jacobsen

1 Mar 2019

When one of my friends tell me they're thinking about streaming and might need a logo.

Tweet Image 1

Matthew Jacobsen

28 Feb 2019

I mean, the @Glassdoor profile for the Grey’s Anatomy Hospital must be nothing short of scathing, right?

Matthew Jacobsen

25 Feb 2019

I always feel special when the DOT or the news refers to drivers as "motorists." I've added this skillset to my resume. Motorist (2006 - Today) - Since certification at 16, I've done the bare minimum to not murder anyone on the highway (an exclusive path for motorists).

Buy My Stand Up Comedy Album 'The Squirrels Get Fat' wherever you buy albums!

Wendy's Martin Luther King Jr Bacon Cheeseburger

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My last comedy album debuted #1 On Amazon & iTunes “PEACE OF MIND SIDE B” 💿 Go watch ‘Peace of Mind Comedy Special’ on YouTube rn 👇🏾

Comedian Day Day

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standup. Steve Martin Presents. link for tix 👇

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I successfully used the ice cream machine on Chopped.

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