@anewmankind Profile picture

jnew

@anewmankind

not like the other moms

Joined February 2012
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now that i’m bald i have a for(ever)head


I totally agreed when trinidad james said “popped a molly, I’m sweatin”


I see the green m&m when I look in the mirror


anonymously hitting on my professor in the course evaluation


the westboro baptist church was right,, god does hate me


they called me a super spreader before the pandemic too (talkin about my asshole!)


absolutely no recollection of waking up in the middle of the night to write this

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just got my dental bill in the mail........... can I have my cavities back??


I’m not gay, I just don’t mind doin the homies a favor


my sister asked me how I’m dressing tonite and I told her casual so she doesn’t look better than me


can’t talk right now, I’m taking a hot girl shit


living libido loca


me: jobless with no income, still providing gifts for all 5 of my siblings and their SOs my brother: a six-figure salary accountant, farting into his hand and throwing it at me


drunk enough to claim every gift is from me


I think my sister calling my bleached eyebrows “high fashion” was really just code for ugly


my tattoo gun is up and running so if anyone is looking to make a mistake they will regret for the rest of their lives I am happy to provide that experience


got shocked while unplugging the vacuum and now my brain is thinking solely in equations


it’s like I’m teaching ballet the way I keep bitches on their toes


starting a tolerance break and no! it has nothing to do with the guy who works at the weed shop instantly greeting me by name when I walked in


woke up to horrendous, blood-curdling screams coming from outside my window, anyway hope I can go back to my dream of being an ice cube in zendaya’s freezer


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