Alyssa Oprie
@alyssamjoMarried to @philloprie with 4 babes. OB RN, birth & postpartum doula. Sour Cream doughnuts are my love language. ESFJ, Enneagram 6. She/Her
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Nurse math: if I get food in the cafeteria it’s free because I never saw that money. It just disappeared from my paycheck before direct deposit.
why stress over the 24yo immature b**ch baby baby when you have an UNBOTHERED KNITTING BIOMEDICAL KING studying autoimmune diseases inspired by his MOTHER #TheBachelorette
Honest question, if you ride a motorcycle and don’t wear a helmet or other protective gear…why? With trauma season in full swing, I just don’t get it.
A thread
Purity culture curriculum taught 8-year-old girls that their bellies were "intoxicating" to grown men, and so they had a responsibility to keep them covered. The horrifying reality is that our modesty messages were actually pedophilic. A picture of the "intoxicating" girl:
Which bodily fluids got on YOU last night? Usually it’s urine because kids, but last night I worked so it was blood and amniotic fluid.
NEW: Neighbors who saw a toddler in diapers wandering around a Beech Grove, Indiana, apartment complex with a loaded handgun called police. The incident was caught on building cameras. The father - who lied that he didn’t own a gun - was arrested. #inlegis dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1…
For the record, we have a hard “Never Kevin” stance. We would never accept a child named Kevin.
In high school, my physics teacher asked me to figure out how many seconds were in a year. I solved it by multiplying 525,600 by 60 to which my teacher responded “why is that something you know off the top of your head?”
As we approach Thanksgiving, I beg of you please involve your boys in the preparations as much as you involve your girls. Let them measure and mix and bake and create alongside their sisters. Have them set the table and pour drinks. Make them help clean up too.
🙋🏻♀️To be fair, I never tested for flu or strep but I never had a fever or super sore throat so I don’t think it was either of those. Three weeks since it began, I feel much, much better but I still have lingering phlegm and cough.
Has anyone else had a cold recently that is not the flu, not covid, not strep, but nonetheless knocks you the f out for at least a week?
Call your dad now and ask him what the wifi password is so he has time to find the little paper it's written on before Thanksgiving.
Am I even sick if I can’t share on @instagram about it? My Instagram has been messed up since Monday.
I proudly employ ZERO insurrectionists on my campaign Dr. Oz can't say the same
This thread, plus past conversations with coworkers, has let me know this is not just a Me thing. For me, though, it was always a thought on my drive into work.
Has anyone else had a cold recently that is not the flu, not covid, not strep, but nonetheless knocks you the f out for at least a week?
#giveaway $100 gift certificate from All About Learning Press! Through 7/31/22 @LearningPress blog.allaboutlearningpress.com/giveaways/?utm…
Holy. Shit. What a brilliant, horrifying cover.
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