Adios Bitchachos✌🏻
@alexwallace2013She/They | Headstone Designer| Bisexual Disaster
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Mom: When's your birthday? MA'AM. HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW? YOU WERE THERE.
Friend: You have a death wish. Me: I don't have a death wish. I'm just fine with dying at any time. I'm not here for a long time, in here for a good time and I'm not even having a good time.
One of the best things about having severe anxiety and being addicted to energy drinks is that now I got that hyperspeed anxiety.
Being a Disney princess in East Texas sucks. First I was chased by a massive cockroach, then I had to square up against an armadillo. What in the redneck fuck.
Credit is fuckin stupid. "oh you want a credit card so you can build credit? Well since you currently don't have credit you aren't approved" BITCH. THATS THE POINT. WHY AM I BEING PUNISHED FOR FISCAL RESPONSIBILITY?!?!
Bras are bullshit. It's too hot and too sweaty. If society can't handle my glorious titties; that's not my problem. I'd like to be free titty 24/7 from now on.
I had dinner with my very religious family last night. I forgot I was wearing my pentagram necklace and my grandma noticed it and asked about it. I told her it was a Texas star. Sorry grandma.
How do I cancel my subscription of "Adulthood"? I've tried it and I do not like it. I'd like to be a child again please.
One of the best parts of my job is telling people what I do. People never know how to react when you tell them that you design headstones for a living. It's amazing.
Life tip: if no one else can figure out what you're doing, then they can't tell you that you're doing it wrong. Wing it until it works out then pretend that was your method all along.
Me: has an absolute shit memory. Also me: can tell you extensive information about shrunken heads because I binged videos on them over a year ago and my brain decided that was important information and stored it in the "do not delete" file.
Just got my second #covid shot. When does the 5g kick in?
Today I went to the doctor and he diagnosed my chronic pain as "pain". He then told me to take Aleve to "see if that helps". Sir. You went to medical school. I spent $85 for you to tell me "fuck if I know."
My poor @Spotify discover weekly is having a hard time. It's just sitting there like "do you want punk music??? Sea shanties??? Classical??? WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!"
Tonight as I bury myself under 6 blankets, not having power or water for over 24 hours; I'd like to thank @tedcruz for all he has done. I find peace in knowing that he will one day rot in hell. May that thought keep me warm.
Customer: I need something printed, but I'm in quarantine, can I still come in?? NO?!?! What in the actual fuck. Why is that a question.
Told my mom that masks protect against poison type attacks. She has no idea what I'm talking about, but is still supportive.
Perks of wearing a mask: I only have to put makeup on half my face. Saving money.
Today at Walmart I saw a dude wearing a legit plauge mask. He was dressed all in black, black cowboy hat, and a fucking plauge mask. Dude looked wicked as hell.
My plan is to get identifying tattoos on my limbs so when I'm finally murdered and dismembered the investigators can tell who I am and not give me some lame nickname like "the body in the bog" or some shit.
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