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My horoscope says I’m “very magnetic” this month. Maybe I’ll attract a bus 🤞🏼
What I’m actually looking for in a chiropractor
Who needs a wedding ring when you can have a burial plot instead
Here’s your reminder that tomorrow’s Mother’s Day 💐
We’ve been trying to reach you about your car’s extended warranty
Bartending/serving is fun and all until some drunk cops a feel-
Mothman is real and he offered me cocaine in a dimly lit jc penny’s
“Are you okay?” No my stomach always hurts
The same folks saying, “don’t have sex and you won’t get pregnant,” believe in a religion based upon the idea that a woman didn’t have sex and got pregnant.
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