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What did the alien say to the gas pump ?Don't you know its rude to stick your finger in your ear when I'm talking to you !
Robert Green Ingersoll~ I would rather live and love where death is king than have eternal life where love is not.
Knock KnockWho's there !Brigham !Brigham who ?Drigham back my sunshine back to me... !
How many Borderline P.D. does to take to change a lightbulb?Just one. To threaten suicide if you don't change it for him/her.
Why do accountants get excited on Saturdays?They can wear casual clothes to work
Dutch Proverb~ A handful of patience is worth more than a bushel of brains.
Teacher : What are you reading ?Pupil : I dunno !Teacher : But you're reading aloud !Pupil : But I'm not listening !
Abbe Dimnet~ Children have to be educated but they have also to be left to educate themselves.
Knock KnockWho's there !Cymbals !Cymbals who?Cymbals have horns and others don't !
Woman: Why are you begging for a quarter?Beggar: I didn't think someone like you would give me a dollar.
How do you know when there is a snowman in your bed ?You wake up wet !
Savielly Grigorievitch Tartakower~ Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
George Ade~ Anybody can win unless there happens to be a second entry.
"How do, like, really laid-back types answer the phone? Mellow."
"Your momma is so fat that her measurements are 26-34-28, and her other arm is just as big!"
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