Sakman
@WattsFortyAuthor in the genre of humor & dark humor. Laughter is God's touch on a troubled world.
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Back in college, a girlfriend said to me, "No way! Jesus, i'm not sneaking onto a bus in a suitcase!" Let me just say, having those exact words spoken to me during my lifetime means that I have truly lived. Yes, those words complete me.
Btw...I have a feeling Wilfred Brimley's mustache is autonomous. That wooly bitch.
I hate it when someone talks to me like an I'm an idiot. Why do some people feel the need to circumcise somebody's intelligence in front of others. Whenever this happens, I like to say, "Ok, we're done. Shut your ass you d!ck sniper".
Wait..."vagabond" means nomad? I always though it was some kind of vaginal adhesive.
Since moving back to my hometown, I've learned the best kept possible solution is to make one Pro and one Con about being single in my hometow. PRO: I'm not dead. CON: I might as well be.
Well, after last night, it's official! I now know what it's like to vomit up a "college dance rave". A big thanks to Medori melon liqueur for that milestone accomplishment. Whew, last night was a b!tch. #FF
Ugghh...today I feel like I'm having sex on Play Station 4, and people are yelling "Elbows, elbows. Knees, knees!"
Had a dream that a 40-ish woman was in my bed snoring like a moose with the flu, who I probably couldn't wake with a stick of dynamite. I'm thinking...tomorrow, my sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka & shattered dreams.
I love spending my time with my cousin’s 4 kids. I segregate playing with them one or two at a time because all of them at once, is traumatic. They’re lucky to have me as an uncle, though, as I’ve failed many couch jumping interventions.
This is one of the biggest f**king wrecks I've seen in a long time. Kid, you're about as color coordinated as a dead bird. This is what a paraplegic zomby doll looks like, well, if you were trying to scribble over something to blacken it out. Grade: F
I'm on the cusp of petitioning the hospital in my town to build a special Liquor Ward at an extension clinic. We ll, at least one that'll be close to my house. Yep, this would be an alcohol injury treatment ward specifically just for me and my buddies.
Well, after Saturday, it's official! I now know what it's like to vomit up a "college dance rave". A big thanks to Medori melon liqueur for that milestone accomplishment. Whew, Saturday night was a b!tch.
Hmm...I'm sure this doesn't qualify as art. What I'm not sure of, if this is at a high enough level to even be considered garbage. Kid, you are one dilusional mother f**ker if you think hell has a post office box. I am truly embarrassed for this kid. Grade: F
I recommend you don't feed your dog certain things. I've been feeding my Pickignies Arby's cheddar melts for some time, & she now looks like a furry little butterball. Actually, more like a field buffalo with an itchy rump. I've nicknamed her "Bulldozer".
I borrowed a 007 movie from a buddy. I went to his house at 4:30 a.m, & I rang his doorbell profusely. His 3 dogs were barking mad. When he came to the door, I said, "Here ya go b!tch", and I gave him his movie back.
At a Nuclear Mx conference a while back, a co-worker had to give a professional slideshow. Then a quarter into his presentation, he was startled to find I'd inserted a couple slides with midgets pictured there...right in front of 100+ people. #FF
I'm thinking about writing a book called "Girls Don't Poop" and maybe a few short stories about other myths I wish I still believe in. #FF
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